Staying at Home Doesn't Make me a Door Mat

Published on August 15, 2004 By JillUser In Marital Issues

It is a strange thing to deal with and I think a lot of people think I'm not aware of their opinion of me but I can tell a lot of people think I am subservient because I am a home maker. My husband and I agreed quite openly that if I am to stay home full time that I am to take care of pretty much everything around the house. Most people simply can't understand that.

I think a lot of my friends are career women who try to relate my lifestyle to their own. They can't undrestand why I take out the garbage, do yard work, take care of the car maintenance, etc. Sure, they share household duties with their spouses because they also work out of the home.

I am also mainly the one responsible for the children. My husband spends as much time as he possibly can with them and often takes over so I can have a break. I don't see how I could ask for more. I just don't understand why so many people say that caring for your family is the most important job there is then talk down to me like "Oh, you're just a home maker". I think there is a bit of envy involved.

I can't help but feel that some of these people I have experienced this with wish they could be in my position but would have to sacrifice financially. In order to reconcile this with their ego, they have to tear me down. They either treat me like I don't really work or they act like they feel sorry for me. I just don't understand it.

Comments (Page 4)

MasonM

on Aug 26, 2004

Pesonally I think that being a wife and mother is the most important job a person could have. Certainly the most demanding. I don't think it's a coincidence that the rise in juvenile crime rates coincides with the increase in mothers working outside the home.

I hold a great deal of respect for any woman who chooses to stay in the home and care for her family over a "career" outside the home. I think she and her husband have their priorities in the right place. It most certainly doesn't make her a "doormat".

crimson

on Aug 26, 2004

I personally know quite a few moms who tried to stay at home and couldn't hack it. They went back to work because they wanted to not because they needed to.

I was a crappy stay-at-home mom, at least, as far as running a tight schedule for housework, chores, and outside activities. Now, while I need to work, I definitely am grateful for the social interaction that I get while working. Being a stay-at-home mom, and single, was a pretty lonely experience. While I knew other single parents, they were all struggling as much as I was just to stay afloat. I think the thing about working mothers, those who worked at a job that pretty much equalled out the payment for daycare, impressed me (and confused me, too) because there didn't seem to be much point, if you were only factoring in financial gain. But there must be some bonuses there, somewhere.

The satisfaction that we get from our lives vary. I've always wanted to be a mother, I saw the silver lining in what was actually a disappointing situation and it was all worth it. But being a mother who loves her family, and being a mother who knows how to run a house effeciently as well is definitely something to brag about. I don't understand the patronizing part, at all.

KarmaGirl

on Aug 26, 2004

I have to agree with that. If I didn't have my parents to watch my daughter while I work, I would have to alter my lifestyle to live on only my husband's income. I think that there are too many children who are falling through the cracks and not getting the attention that they need. That is not saying that all women who work are neglecting their children, but I do wonder about some of these Mom's who have 3 or 4 children and go back to work and put the baby in daycare after 6 weeks. I really don't know how they do it, and I'm sure that the cost of daycare is amazing.

The other thing I find interesting about a lot of women who work is that they say that women have to work in this day and age, unlike our parents. the problem with that is that they *could* live on one income if they wanted to live the way people used to live. Smaller houses, share a car, or have one nice car and one old one, one TV, no cell phones, basic or no cable, etc. But, people want to have the big houses, the new cars, go out to eat, etc. Sometimes I wonder why some of these people have houses and children since they aren't home much and their children end up being almost an inconvenience to them. It's an odd world out there......

I think that the biggest issue is how to make people see that they can make their decisions on how they live, but that doesn't mean that is the way you want to live. My neighbor is a stay at home Mom but send one of her children to daycare all day. Not sure why, but it must work for them because they are still married. My husband and I work full time and share chores, but we have to (he does laundry....but I have also lost a lot of clothes in the process...you really *can't* wash everything in hot water) and his mother always complains because he has to do too much around the house (she expects me to do it all) but, we are happy, so who cares what she thinks? My Mom has complained her entire life that my Dad doesn't do anything.....that's *not* how to live.... And, I have an Uncle my marriage that lost his job and now stays home and takes care of everything while his wife is at work, and they are happy.

I would think that the people who think what you do is "wrong" is mainly because they are not happy themselves. Or, maybe they are just ego maniacs and think there is something special to having a career. Not sure. I really don't understand why people care that much about how people run their households. Hell, if you find something that works, stick with it. Seems like it's rare in this day to find a happy couple instead of people who are divorced.

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