The adventures of Mommy woman
Still Not Satisfied
Published on May 26, 2004 By JillUser In Home & Family

If you read my blog about what happened last week with my sitter, you might be interested to know that I got her to come over and had a talk.  I had written her a stern email since I couldn't reach her on the phone.  I told her we really needed to discuss what happened but the fact that she and her boyfriend (she is 19 and he is 21) together thought it was okay to send my 7 and 3yr old boys out in the dark stormy night by themselves, prevents me from having them sit again.

Well, she entered the house in tears.  Said she wasn't fit for babysitting and that she doubted she would become a teacher either.  I figured this was a melodramatic, over emotional response to what was going on so I told her she should sit and talk things out for a bit.

This girl was adopted along with her younger biological sister.  The younger sister is still living with the adoptive parents whereas this young woman is living with her biological, paternal grandmother.  I guess her mom totally disapproves of the situation and has cut her out of her life.  The younger sister is siding with the mom.

On to her explaination of the events of the evening in question.  She says that she was in a car accident when she was first driving and suffered a head injury.  She says she can't remember anything about the accident and has these episodes a couple of times a year.  She says it is almost like a siezure.  Sometimes she just passes out.  Others she shakes uncontrollably and often hits her head as a result.

All the while I am thinking "I sure would have liked to have known about this before I ever left you alone with my young children!"

Now my 7yr old said that she threw up at one point.  She says she only felt like it but she never allows herself to throw up because she is too scared of having an eating disorder.  I don't feel I can believe anything she says because the day after this all happened she tried to tell me she thought it was food poisoning.

Anywho, I kept asking why the hell they sent my little guys out in the night.  She said she told them to go to our neighbors and see if they could take care of them.  Her boyfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher that, according to the sitter, required him to give them driving directions.  She said that she feared the paramedics wouldn't be able to get there and they would have to go to the emergency room.

When I told her that made absolutely no sense since there was nothing wrong with her boyfriend, he could just call us at the 3 numbers I left, keep the kids there and we would/did send someone to take care of them.  I straight out told her that 19 and 21 yr olds should have enough sense to not send little ones out in the stormy night by themselves.  What if they would have been in the driveway or street when the EMS came flying in?!  They wouldn't be looking for little guys out by themselves!

She cried a lot, told me more about her awful family situation, and I told her that she needs to get help.  She said her grandma got her in to see a psychiatrist.  I told her to keep in touch.  The kids will be heart broken that she won't be sitting anymore.  They thought it was all very exciting and that the firemen were very cool.  I just feel sick whenever I think about it.


Comments (Page 4)
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on May 31, 2004

We moved away from family 6 yrs ago...and never used a sitter in that time. I just don't like the idea of leaving my children with anyone other than family...never have and never will....but that's just me

What about birthday parties, or when the kids want to have a sleep over at a friends?  can they not have those normal kid type functions if nobody will ever trust anyone else?

on May 31, 2004

can they not have those normal kid type functions if nobody will ever trust anyone else?


Another aspect of that is that we're teaching children by example to not trust anyone, ever.  While I like to teach my children to view the world with a healthy dose of scepticism, I think that they need to feel that they can trust some 'outsiders'.

on May 31, 2004

I can't imagine that's very healthy on a marriage.  I like to spend time with my wife as an adult.  That means going to wedding receptions, an occasional night out, etc.

I also tend to think it's healthy for children to spend time away from their parents. I wouldn't want my children to be too sheltered.

on May 31, 2004
Jilluser, I just want to say that I'm glad it didn't turn out to be as bad as it could have. I hope your little one who had scarlet fever is getting better. I understand the need to get out of the house and away from the kids occasionally. Your experience had made me really think about who is watching my kids. I hope everything gets better for you and that your ex-babysitter gets the help she needs for her persistant lying problem (and possible drug problem) soon. I hope you will keep us all informed on how you are doing.
on Jun 01, 2004
What about birthday parties, or when the kids want to have a sleep over at a friends? can they not have those normal kid type functions if nobody will ever trust anyone else?


I don't look at those in the same manner....they go to parties and sleepovers all the time...but I'm always at home, available at a moment's notice if they want to come home, or whatever. The times I've needed a relative to babysit, I've usually been out of town, or in a situation where I'm NOT that readily available, hence the preference they be with relatives.

Another aspect of that is that we're teaching children by example to not trust anyone, ever. While I like to teach my children to view the world with a healthy dose of scepticism, I think that they need to feel that they can trust some 'outsiders'.


It's not a question of not trusting people...it's a matter of my comfort zone, I guess. I'm not comfortable leaving my children with people who aren't family when I'm not readily availabe, as I said above.

I can't imagine that's very healthy on a marriage. I like to spend time with my wife as an adult. That means going to wedding receptions, an occasional night out, etc.


Being divorced, I have the luxury of many weekends, and several weeks in the summer, when the children are with Dad....which leaves plenty of opportunities for nights out or just adult time at home. As for wedding receptions, I can't remember ever being invited to one that didn't INCLUDE the children.....


on Jun 01, 2004

Poetmom, you haven't been trying to compare your situation to mine, right?  You have seemed sympathetic to what happened to me.  I was only 15 mins away so my situation would have even satisfied your comfort zone.


People should know that leaving kids at birthday parties is just as dangerous as leaving them with a sitter.  Sometimes more.  I always stay at parties when it sounds like there are far more kids than adults.  If a sitter can't handle 2 kids, how can two parents handle 20?  Scary stuff can happen at sleep overs too.  I remember my own experiences.  We just have to do our best to minimize the risks for our children and hope that things turn out as well, if not better than they did for ourselves.


Bottom line, I do my best to know the people that my children are with.  I try to teach my kids what to do in emergencies.  They know that they can call me and my husband at any time.  They know they can tell me absolutely anything.  They know that their parents love them more than anything else in the world.  I don't know how else to parent.

on Jun 01, 2004

I don't look at those in the same manner....they go to parties and sleepovers all the time...but I'm always at home, available at a moment's notice if they want to come home, or whatever.

But, how do you know that they are being cared for correctly?  Couldn't something happen to them just as easily as what happened with Jill's babysitter.  From what I remember reading, she was just a phone call away.  They just didn't call.  How can you be sure that a sleepover wouldn't have the same type of outcome?  I don't think that you can.  I think the best you can do is try to get to know people and decide if you feel that you can trust them.  People get married then years later realize that they can't trust somebody, how is anyone supposed to know if they can really trust a babysitter?  Heck, even some relatives could do things that you don't approve of.

As for wedding receptions, I can't remember ever being invited to one that didn't INCLUDE the children.....

Mine didn't.  I don't believe that adults drinking and children should mix.  Adults act odd when drinking (even just some) and that scares children.  I also don't drink around my daughter.

But, in the end, all anyone can ask is that parents do *their* best at raising their children.  Nobody should tell you how to raise your children (other than abuse and crap like that).

on Jun 01, 2004
oops, didn't see page "2".  Guess I kinda' said a lot of what Jill did.
on Jun 01, 2004
Poetmom, you haven't been trying to compare your situation to mine, right? You have seemed sympathetic to what happened to me. I was only 15 mins away so my situation would have even satisfied your comfort zone.


Not at all Jill...I think we got off on a tangent here with the stuff about having only family as sitters, etc. As I've said several times, I think in your situation, you did all the right things, and this was just one of those weird circumstances that came out of nowhere, and couldn't be anticipated.

Mine didn't. I don't believe that adults drinking and children should mix. Adults act odd when drinking (even just some) and that scares children. I also don't drink around my daughter.


Just another difference...most of the weddings I've attended have been family, and we don't drink, as a general rule...wedding receptions involve cake, punch, coffee, sodas, and dancing.....perfectly acceptable for children.

on Aug 04, 2004
I think I must have fell incommunicardo for a bit here because I was following this thread but I missed most of that stuff.

My mothers brother (unlce is too familiar a term) sexually abused me and my sister numerous times when we were growing up when he babysat us. My grandmother went into court and told the jury that he was NEVER left alone with me - that he'd never had the opportunity -- this is irrelevant and off topic sorry
It's about relatives baby-sitting your kids.

Elana will be 8months on Friday - before she was born or possibly not long after - actually I think it was not long after when we knew she was a girl my husband made the statement that noone on my mothers side could babysit or be left alone with our daughter.
In her entire 8months of life she has been babysat 4 times - Once when she was 6 weeks old and it was our 6month anniversary - she went to Nicks parents house and slept from before she got in the car until 5minutes before we got back from lunch.

The next time was a month or so later - We went on a double date to a movie with a friend who has 2 boys and they regularly use a friend - she practically lives with them - she had the 3 kids at our place but they got her about an hour after Elana was in bed and asleep and she didn't wake up until the next morning. (we got home just before 11)

The next time Nick's parents came over after she was asleep -- but she woke up and they kept her up until we got home
and the last time Nick's dad babysat while we went to dinner (about 3weeks ago) - again he arrived after she was in bed and again she slept the whole time.
I know there'll be a time when she won't sleep the whole time and I don't have any qualms about leaving her with Nicks parents

on Aug 05, 2004

We have only had grandparents babysit since firing our sitter.  We haven't found anyone suitable so we just have to make it work with the grannys.  We only left our first son a couple of times during his first year of life and that was with my sister or my parents.  It is always hard to leave your children   It is getting easier with the oldest since he goes to school full time (will be starting 2nd grade this year!) but I am sure I will cry the first week of 4yr old preschool this year for our "baby".


Thanks for not accusing me of being a bad parent.

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