The adventures of Mommy woman
Still Not Satisfied
Published on May 26, 2004 By JillUser In Home & Family

If you read my blog about what happened last week with my sitter, you might be interested to know that I got her to come over and had a talk.  I had written her a stern email since I couldn't reach her on the phone.  I told her we really needed to discuss what happened but the fact that she and her boyfriend (she is 19 and he is 21) together thought it was okay to send my 7 and 3yr old boys out in the dark stormy night by themselves, prevents me from having them sit again.

Well, she entered the house in tears.  Said she wasn't fit for babysitting and that she doubted she would become a teacher either.  I figured this was a melodramatic, over emotional response to what was going on so I told her she should sit and talk things out for a bit.

This girl was adopted along with her younger biological sister.  The younger sister is still living with the adoptive parents whereas this young woman is living with her biological, paternal grandmother.  I guess her mom totally disapproves of the situation and has cut her out of her life.  The younger sister is siding with the mom.

On to her explaination of the events of the evening in question.  She says that she was in a car accident when she was first driving and suffered a head injury.  She says she can't remember anything about the accident and has these episodes a couple of times a year.  She says it is almost like a siezure.  Sometimes she just passes out.  Others she shakes uncontrollably and often hits her head as a result.

All the while I am thinking "I sure would have liked to have known about this before I ever left you alone with my young children!"

Now my 7yr old said that she threw up at one point.  She says she only felt like it but she never allows herself to throw up because she is too scared of having an eating disorder.  I don't feel I can believe anything she says because the day after this all happened she tried to tell me she thought it was food poisoning.

Anywho, I kept asking why the hell they sent my little guys out in the night.  She said she told them to go to our neighbors and see if they could take care of them.  Her boyfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher that, according to the sitter, required him to give them driving directions.  She said that she feared the paramedics wouldn't be able to get there and they would have to go to the emergency room.

When I told her that made absolutely no sense since there was nothing wrong with her boyfriend, he could just call us at the 3 numbers I left, keep the kids there and we would/did send someone to take care of them.  I straight out told her that 19 and 21 yr olds should have enough sense to not send little ones out in the stormy night by themselves.  What if they would have been in the driveway or street when the EMS came flying in?!  They wouldn't be looking for little guys out by themselves!

She cried a lot, told me more about her awful family situation, and I told her that she needs to get help.  She said her grandma got her in to see a psychiatrist.  I told her to keep in touch.  The kids will be heart broken that she won't be sitting anymore.  They thought it was all very exciting and that the firemen were very cool.  I just feel sick whenever I think about it.


Comments (Page 2)
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on May 27, 2004
Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter.


Sometimes there ARE no questions to ask that will tell you something like this would happen. And unexpected events can happen even when you, as a parent, are there with your children....you could pass out, have a heart attack, become violently ill, etc.....that's LIFE...it's not always predictable and scheduled.
on May 27, 2004

Janders, thank you so much!  I get defensive when people suggest I am not careful with my children.  They are everything to my husband and me.


Poetmom, you are so right.  Unexpected things happen and it is easy for people who haven't had things happen to point fingers and those who have and judge what should or shouldn't have been done.

on May 27, 2004
lmao! youse all are wishing you could troll me to death and for what? Lol. For me saying one should be vigilant when it comes to strangers caring for your children. Holy fu**ing s**t folks. I sit with my mouth agape, in disbelief in where these attacks are coming from. Condescending. Whatever. Troll me people, cause I deserve it. I am a troll for saying one should be careful as to who cares for your own flesh and blood. Bad bad mikimouse. So youse can all get back to your need for a babysitter so you can go see a movie or to fill your 'need' to have time alone away from your children. I can't believe the things you all are saying when it comes to parenting. Yeah my kids will be teenages and yeah sure they'll make my life hell.....you can all feel free to anticipate and hope for that time to come. But you won't find me allowing any drugged up neighbourhood kids watching my own offspring and then attack another parent for offering a good solution for keeping your kids safe from harm and degredation.
on May 27, 2004

Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter.


That's all you said, and Miki, out of a 13 sentence response, that one sentence. That's not offering a solution. All you did was criticize her and set yourself up on a pedestal as a perfect parent.


Don't play the victim, because you're not one.  Jill's the victim here, not only because her trust was betrayed by her sitter, but because you acted like an asshat to her. As far as I'm concerned, you deserved that trolling rating.  Not because you disagreed, but because of the manner in which you presented your disagreement.

on May 27, 2004
"All you did was criticize her and set yourself up on a pedestal as a perfect parent"
Nice revisionist history. And it's bullshit. I offered good advice to someone who had a very unfortunate potentially dangerous situation with their young children while they were nowhere near those said children. Nothing more. Pedestal? What the hell does that mean? That I claim to be a better parent than anyone else? I let facts speak for themselves, IF anyone ever desires to hear those facts, which they never do. We've never used a babysitter and never ever ever will. Like I'd EVER let some person I didn't know care for my loved ones. Lmao! "Oh but I DID know her, she's been around the neighbourhood for years". Well, I don't consider that knowing someone. All it proves is that the person is visible when I look out my front window. Nothing more. That she's visible. Geez. Why is anyone on MY arse over this?
on May 27, 2004
I think Janders put it best when she said

we give our kids two important things, one is roots, and the other is wings.


What happened was a very unfortunate situation, but in no way was it Jill's fault. Children shoud not be unnecessarily sheltered--not allowing *anyone* else to watch your kids is a bit excessive in my view. I was a nanny throughout college for a pack of boys (a 2 year old, four year old twins, and a 6 year old). It was one of the best jobs I've ever had, and I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure those kids were safe. Life can get a little crazy with four boys, and there were a couple of times that I had to call for backup because one would get injured, or sick and need a lot of one-on-one attention. When those things happened, family or friends would usually swing by and entertain the other three. Children need supervision and protection, but do not necessarily need to be completely sheltered. I just don't think it's a healthy way to raise your children.

Jill, if I lived closer, I'd be happy to watch your boys!
on May 27, 2004

Why is anyone on MY arse over this?


Because you acted like one, that's why.


Everything anyone says to you is 'revisionist history' or we're putting words in your mouth, or we're all against you...you never say anything wrong, we're all just picking on you. 


You're playing the victim again.

on May 27, 2004
oh ok. my pointing out things is being an arse. I see. You said I put myself on a pedestal. I never said that. Fine. Let her get another neighbourhood junky kid to watch her children again. I'm sure they love the exitement of the ambulance arriving. Victim.....yeah. Right. Lmao.
on May 27, 2004

I offered good advice to someone who had a very unfortunate potentially dangerous situation with their young children while they were nowhere near those said children.


Condescension and presumption there.  We were 15 mins away from our children and had several neighbors who would have been at our house in a split second had the sitter actually contacted us the way she was instructed to do. 


Dharma and shades, thanks again my cyber sisters!


Miki, I pity your kids.  You have got to be one of the most closed minded people I have ever heard of.  Not ever letting anyone watch your kids is extreme.  If you want to shelter your children from the world and limit their experiences as well as your own, I pity your whole family.


Being a good parent also involves paying attention to your marriage.  If you are always with your children, how are you connecting as a couple?  But that is another subject.


Apparently being vigilant in who we let watch our children involves not letting anyone other than ourselves watch them.  You never know everything about anyone else.  Like I said, we had known this girl since she was 12.  Interacted with her on almost a daily basis.  Knew plenty of other couples who had used her as a sitter.  The kids love her.  She was an honor student in private school.  Not exactly a "drugged up teen" like you mentioned.  Plus, 19 is an adult last time I checked.  There was no apparent reason to doubt her ability to take care of my kids.


I didn't troll you for any of your comments.  I do feel defensive though and I think you have plenty of issues.  I feel sorry for you that you have no faith in others.  Sure, sometimes you get burned when you trust someone else.  If you never take a risk, you never get the big rewards that are out there in life.


 

on May 27, 2004

Fine. Let her get another neighbourhood junky kid to watch her children again. I'm sure they love the exitement of the ambulance arriving. Victim.....yeah. Right. Lmao.


This was completely uncalled for and if you insist on offering this kind of spiteful shit on my blog you will have the honor of becoming the first person I ever blacklist.

on May 27, 2004
sorry Jill just responding in kind to the attacks upon me for nothing more than pointing out ways to keep children safe. Blacklist me, whatever. Just another logical voice shut down. Really, don't use babysitters ok? Get a relative or stay home with them. That could have turned into a tragedy....rainstorm and all, being sent out to some neighbour to watch them cause your babysitter got all screwed up. I'm watching out for them, not you or your mean opinions of me. I'll consider myself blacklisted with you. Just watch your kids, ok?
on May 27, 2004

Miki, if you were just pointing out ways to keep children safe I would have no issue with you.  You personally attacked my ability to take care of my children.  You judged me without knowing my situation.  You offered the first blow when it came to "mean opinions".


You continue to be condescending so I am indeed blacklisting you.  I don't see anything here that you offered as "logical".  More like snide, condescending and superior.  I will do more happily without it.


You caused me to get defensive and stoop to your level.  I have no need for such things in my life.  I am not blacklisting you to "shut down" your voice or prove anything to anyone.  You caused undo irritation and I don't care to deal with it any longer.  Maybe I am just having a bad day and will retract the blacklist.  Only time will tell.

on May 27, 2004

sorry Jill just responding in kind to the attacks upon me


That has to be the most self-pitiful BS I've ever heard.


I'm watching out for them, not you or your mean opinions of me.


Oh, so it's ok for you to have a mean opinion of her, accusing her of leaving her kids with a "neighborhood junky kid", but when someone else points out your asshattery towards her she's all of a sudden being mean? And you don't think you're playing the victim? 


Jill, I'm sorry for cluttering up your thread, but I simply could not let that go. 

on May 27, 2004

sorry Jill just responding in kind to the attacks upon me for nothing more than pointing out ways to keep children safe.

Hmmm...it's OK for mikimouse to "respond to attacks" in kind, but the when the US did so toward the terrorists, he calls foul.  Funny, but on a small scale, it is the same thing.  Attacking back....how hypocritical.

Unless you want your kids to live in a bubble, you have to let somebody else take care of them once in awhile.  Or, are you maybe afraid that they will see somebody else's opinion besides yours?  Or, do you have some rare phobia where you think the world is out to get you and your family so you have to hide them safely away from the evil of the world? 

Your "neighborhood junkie" comment was completely and utterly ignorant spew. 

Sorry...that may have been over the top.  I can't help it, though.  I am the UK to JillUser's USA- I'll be her allie because I know what she is doing is right.  

oops...just realized that Jill said she blacklisted him...oh, well.....

on May 27, 2004
Sorry for the bad experience there JIll. Must have been pretty scary and upsetting.

Sometimes you can just never tell about someone, no matter how careful you are. I once hired a sitter who came highly recommended by a close friend. I came home to find a party in full swing in my home. The sitter was the only one of legal age there.

I called the cops, had her arrested and all the kids hauled outta my home. Maybe an extreme response but one of the rules I gave the sitter was "NO PARTYING!"

I wouldn't want to have to hire a sitter these days, has to be tough to find somone you can trust.
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