The adventures of Mommy woman
Still Not Satisfied
Published on May 26, 2004 By JillUser In Home & Family

If you read my blog about what happened last week with my sitter, you might be interested to know that I got her to come over and had a talk.  I had written her a stern email since I couldn't reach her on the phone.  I told her we really needed to discuss what happened but the fact that she and her boyfriend (she is 19 and he is 21) together thought it was okay to send my 7 and 3yr old boys out in the dark stormy night by themselves, prevents me from having them sit again.

Well, she entered the house in tears.  Said she wasn't fit for babysitting and that she doubted she would become a teacher either.  I figured this was a melodramatic, over emotional response to what was going on so I told her she should sit and talk things out for a bit.

This girl was adopted along with her younger biological sister.  The younger sister is still living with the adoptive parents whereas this young woman is living with her biological, paternal grandmother.  I guess her mom totally disapproves of the situation and has cut her out of her life.  The younger sister is siding with the mom.

On to her explaination of the events of the evening in question.  She says that she was in a car accident when she was first driving and suffered a head injury.  She says she can't remember anything about the accident and has these episodes a couple of times a year.  She says it is almost like a siezure.  Sometimes she just passes out.  Others she shakes uncontrollably and often hits her head as a result.

All the while I am thinking "I sure would have liked to have known about this before I ever left you alone with my young children!"

Now my 7yr old said that she threw up at one point.  She says she only felt like it but she never allows herself to throw up because she is too scared of having an eating disorder.  I don't feel I can believe anything she says because the day after this all happened she tried to tell me she thought it was food poisoning.

Anywho, I kept asking why the hell they sent my little guys out in the night.  She said she told them to go to our neighbors and see if they could take care of them.  Her boyfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher that, according to the sitter, required him to give them driving directions.  She said that she feared the paramedics wouldn't be able to get there and they would have to go to the emergency room.

When I told her that made absolutely no sense since there was nothing wrong with her boyfriend, he could just call us at the 3 numbers I left, keep the kids there and we would/did send someone to take care of them.  I straight out told her that 19 and 21 yr olds should have enough sense to not send little ones out in the stormy night by themselves.  What if they would have been in the driveway or street when the EMS came flying in?!  They wouldn't be looking for little guys out by themselves!

She cried a lot, told me more about her awful family situation, and I told her that she needs to get help.  She said her grandma got her in to see a psychiatrist.  I told her to keep in touch.  The kids will be heart broken that she won't be sitting anymore.  They thought it was all very exciting and that the firemen were very cool.  I just feel sick whenever I think about it.


Comments (Page 1)
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on May 26, 2004

Oh, my!  She sounds like she really needs help!  There is no reason that two adults should have ever reacted that way.  I really doubt that 911 needed directions, either.  They all have gps that pinpoints the location of the call (they can do that with most cell phones now, too, which is the same technology that OnStar uses).

Ack!  What a mess.

on May 26, 2004
That sounds less like an explanation than histrionic blame pedaling. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of her before something even more serious happened. *shiver*
on May 26, 2004

Ok, I'm going to pick her excuse and explanation to pieces now....sorry, it's an investigator thing.

Well, she entered the house in tears.  Said she wasn't fit for babysitting and that she doubted she would become a teacher either.

You're spot on about the melodrama.  Much used, fairly transparent diversion tactic.

She says that she was in a car accident when she was first driving and suffered a head injury.  She says she can't remember anything about the accident and has these episodes a couple of times a year.  She says it is almost like a siezure.  Sometimes she just passes out.  Others she shakes uncontrollably and often hits her head as a result.

If this is a medically documented issue then she wouldn't be allowed to hold a driver's license. So, she either lied to the DVLC or to you.  Either way, she lied. 

Now my 7yr old said that she threw up at one point.  She says she only felt like it but she never allows herself to throw up because she is too scared of having an eating disorder.  I don't feel I can believe anything she says because the day after this all happened she tried to tell me she thought it was food poisoning.

More lies.  She can't keep her story straight at this point because she's forgetting the lies she told you in the first place...so she's having to backtrack and cover up.

Her boyfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher that, according to the sitter, required him to give them driving directions.  She said that she feared the paramedics wouldn't be able to get there and they would have to go to the emergency room.

I have difficulty believing that.  They have GPS, street maps...they're very technologically advanced and I highly doubt that would be the case.  And why didn't she call you as soon as they called 911?  What wouldhave happened if she did have to go to the ER?  What would have happened to your boys?

In my professional opinion (oooh, that made me feel important!) I think she had a bad reaction to some illicit substance.  I think she's BS'ing you.  I'd really like to see the EMT's report, I think it would be really illuminating and would blow her story totally out of the water.

I'm glad she's not sitting for you any more

 

on May 26, 2004
Sounds to me like she was making a lot of excuses for a total lack of judgment on both their parts. Lots of people have rough lives, but most of them manage to work through them and lead responsible lives. Hopefully getting some counseling help will benefit her.

Consider yourself lucky to be rid of her before something even more serious happened. *shiver*


Absolutely!! It's scary to think about what MIGHT have happened.

on May 26, 2004
Very scary.. glad you're not having her babysit anymore
on May 26, 2004

I appreciate your professional opinion Dharma.  I think I am going to see about getting the EMT's report.  I honestly don't know what to think is worse a) she had a bad drug experience or the two of them were simply senseless.


I do know that only grandparents will be babysitting until I can properly interrogate a new sitter.

on May 26, 2004
Jill, That's too bad. It's awful to find out when something potentially dangerous could have happened to your children under someone else's care. Aside from my sister, it is usually my parents who look after my girl... and she's a lucky girl for it. I'm glad that she's able to have such a close relationship with them because of their generosity.
on May 26, 2004
ummm, how much detail about this person did you know before you entrusted her with your children's lives? That'd be the day some psycho frig-stick would ever enter my own home, let alone be left alone with my kids. Holy crap. Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter. This proves my point really. My kids are home-schooled, and are never out and about without one of their parents with them. No chance. Call me silly, but my kids are well safe and very secure knowing that. Actually, it's a joke in our house! I would say, "kids, your mom and I are going out tonight, you have a babysitter to watch you..." they ask "who?" and we say "someone we met in the newspaper, and he/she say they like kids so hey! They're perfect! My 7 year old knows I'm kidding and rolls his eyes. See? He KNOWS it's a joke to get a stranger to watch him.
on May 26, 2004

Miki, perhaps you should read the background info before you pass judgement like that.  Jill has said that this girl has had a regular gig sitting for her in the past and that there weren't any problems until last weekend, which is what makes this incident look more and more like drug use because it's so out of character.


I'm sorry that you seem to think that the rest of us don't measure up to your standards of parenting.

on May 26, 2004

Oh, and you're welcome, Jill.  Anytime, my cyber-sister!


I'm going to go do some checking into the legalities of your obtaining the EMT report.  I'll let you know if I can find anything.

on May 26, 2004

Miki, you can bet your ass I knew a lot about this girl before ever having her spend time alone with my children.  I think you might get a wake up call when your kids are teens.  You can keep them in a bubble and they will still do things that make you think "What the hell was going through your head?!"


This girl is someone we have known since she was 12.  She lived in our old neighborhood and babysat for just about every family we knew.  They all spoke highly of her before we decided to try her.  We even watched her with the kids while we were there before leaving her alone with them.  She was 16 before she sat for our kids.


Either she decided to try drugs recently or she had some kind of psychotic break. 


Guess what Miki, shit can happen when you are with your kids too.  There is no "totally safe" way to raise kids.  If you are home alone with two little ones and you lose consciousness, then what?  Shit happens.  We just have to hope that it doesn't happen and try to minimize the risks.  I broke my leg while home with my 6 and 2 yr olds.  That could have turned out badly.  Luckily I was able to get to a phone and find a neighbor friend to take the kids while my hubby came home from work to take me to the hospital.


I might be defensive right now Miki, but you come off as a bit condescending.  You seem to think you are the best parent on Earth.  Well good for you.  My kids have never broken a bone, gotten an awful disease or been hurt in any way.  My older one is an incredibly smart and talented boy and my little one is a stinker but getting sweeter all the time.  I think I am doing a fine job.


My kids mean everything to me but I don't think it is healthy for any of us to create a little world where they don't experience anything without me and vice versa.

Dharma, thanks for all of your support and for sticking up for me.

 

on May 26, 2004

Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter.


Some days there are simply not enough trolling ratings to satisfy the need.

on May 26, 2004
Jill is a wonderful parent and I have no doubt in my mind she totally checked out her sitter. I think it really wrong to attack her parenting, esp. since you didn't know the whole story.

Miki` You are going to have a hell of a time when your keds are teenagers, we give our kids two important things, one is roots, and the other is wings.
on May 26, 2004
What a scary situation! I have to agree that it was drug use. There are too many holes in her story. However, I think she has gotten at the age, that she wants dealing with lots of pressure (perhaps from the boyfriend.) and a new set of friends. I believe you did the right thing and keep up the updates.
on May 27, 2004

Some days there are simply not enough trolling ratings to satisfy the need.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

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