The adventures of Mommy woman
Still Not Satisfied
Published on May 26, 2004 By JillUser In Home & Family

If you read my blog about what happened last week with my sitter, you might be interested to know that I got her to come over and had a talk.  I had written her a stern email since I couldn't reach her on the phone.  I told her we really needed to discuss what happened but the fact that she and her boyfriend (she is 19 and he is 21) together thought it was okay to send my 7 and 3yr old boys out in the dark stormy night by themselves, prevents me from having them sit again.

Well, she entered the house in tears.  Said she wasn't fit for babysitting and that she doubted she would become a teacher either.  I figured this was a melodramatic, over emotional response to what was going on so I told her she should sit and talk things out for a bit.

This girl was adopted along with her younger biological sister.  The younger sister is still living with the adoptive parents whereas this young woman is living with her biological, paternal grandmother.  I guess her mom totally disapproves of the situation and has cut her out of her life.  The younger sister is siding with the mom.

On to her explaination of the events of the evening in question.  She says that she was in a car accident when she was first driving and suffered a head injury.  She says she can't remember anything about the accident and has these episodes a couple of times a year.  She says it is almost like a siezure.  Sometimes she just passes out.  Others she shakes uncontrollably and often hits her head as a result.

All the while I am thinking "I sure would have liked to have known about this before I ever left you alone with my young children!"

Now my 7yr old said that she threw up at one point.  She says she only felt like it but she never allows herself to throw up because she is too scared of having an eating disorder.  I don't feel I can believe anything she says because the day after this all happened she tried to tell me she thought it was food poisoning.

Anywho, I kept asking why the hell they sent my little guys out in the night.  She said she told them to go to our neighbors and see if they could take care of them.  Her boyfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher that, according to the sitter, required him to give them driving directions.  She said that she feared the paramedics wouldn't be able to get there and they would have to go to the emergency room.

When I told her that made absolutely no sense since there was nothing wrong with her boyfriend, he could just call us at the 3 numbers I left, keep the kids there and we would/did send someone to take care of them.  I straight out told her that 19 and 21 yr olds should have enough sense to not send little ones out in the stormy night by themselves.  What if they would have been in the driveway or street when the EMS came flying in?!  They wouldn't be looking for little guys out by themselves!

She cried a lot, told me more about her awful family situation, and I told her that she needs to get help.  She said her grandma got her in to see a psychiatrist.  I told her to keep in touch.  The kids will be heart broken that she won't be sitting anymore.  They thought it was all very exciting and that the firemen were very cool.  I just feel sick whenever I think about it.


Comments (Page 3)
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on May 27, 2004

Mason it is hard to find a sitter.  One of the problems I am running into is the daughters of families were are close to are handed everything they want so they have no reason to work (i.e. babysit) for the money.  I have a couple of friends who teach middle school so am hoping they might know some responsible teens I could interview for the job.


Like my blog says, I am More than Just Mommy.  I need to get out and spend time with my husband and time with adults every once in a while to maintain my sanity.  I would never knowingly leave my children with someone who would put them in harms way! 


I don't blame you for calling the cops.


Dharma and Karma, your input is always appreciated.  Miki really got under my skin and I just don't have the energy to waste on that sort of thing right now.  Luckily I have a lot of kind support to counter act the bad stuff.  Thanks!

on May 27, 2004

Mikimouse writes: Just another logical voice shut down

Only logical in the land of whacked.

Sounds like the type of guy who has his kids so sheltered that they are never anywhere without them. Maybe Rod and Todd Flanders thinks that's great but normal people use babysitters and Jill had already made clear that they'd known this person for many years. Shit happens.

on May 27, 2004

Sounds like the type of guy who has his kids so sheltered that they are never anywhere without them


And so begins another generation of paranoid conspiracy-theorists.....  "Wear your tin foil hat, son, or the aliens will be able to get into your head" and all that jazz.


Brad's right, shit happens, and you deal with it the best you can.  Jill did everything a reasonable, loving parent did - she left her children in the care of someone who came recommended and was known amongst the other parents in the neighborhood as a reliable sitter.  She had left the children with this person before and had never had any issues with the standard of care provided.  I don't know what else she was supposed to do...or what else she could have done.


 

on May 27, 2004
Todd, just let it go. Breathe, and just let it go...

"...but normal people..."

Just for the record, I don't believe in "normal," especially when it comes to people, but then again, if you don't have anything constructive to say, don't say anything at all... oops

~Sarah
on May 28, 2004

Another thing I noticed was the advice to leave your children with a relative.  That's no safegaurd, either.  What if a Grandma/Grandpa has a heart attack while watching your child?  I have also seen many reports that a lot of child abuse and neglect happens when a relative is caring for a child.

The fact is- it is absolutely impossible to be 100% sure that your children are safe.  You could say "keep them home with their parents".  But, that is not 100% safe, either.

I never had a babysitter when growing up.  I think that the only adult that ever watched me was my Grandma.  Luckily, she like me.  However, I have also seen her pull one of my cousins across the floor by her hair.  Unless you want to be with your child 24/7, which I find unrealistic, then you find a person that you feel you can trust.  If they break that trust then you simply don't have them watch your kids. 

on May 28, 2004
"Wear your tin foil hat, son, or the aliens will be able to get into your head"


The tin foil hat works. But, it's the government, not aliens your guarding against. Most aliens have a hard enough time just getting a job, let alone buying expensive mind control equipment.

on May 28, 2004
Jill,

I can't believe that someone would attack you for your unfortunate experience and attempt to blame you for it! I think all we can say is that we're lucky NOT to be that person, NOT to know that person and NOT to ever have to meet them.

As for Miki casting aspersions about 'junkies' and what not, it is interesting to note that he has damned your ex-babysitter on the basis of a possibility given to you by another blogger. I feel so sad for his kids. I can't imagine growing up having had my parents around at all times. What about when they want to go to a friend's house (if indeed they are allowed any friends)? Does mummy or daddy sit there watching their every move in this foreign setting? I wonder if he is prepared to have the responsibility of having other kids over to his house if he believes that the only way to keep kids safe is for parents to be with them at all times?

Out of morbid curiousity I would be interested to know what he has to say about single parent families, homosexual families and any other lifestyle choice which doesn't fall into his so called 'logical' world view. I'm fairly sure I can envisage the vitriol which will spout from his paranoid, self righteous, repugnant lips.

I wish you well in the future. Good on you for being a person and not just a Mom. Good on you for being level headed about the situation in the first place. Of course you're upset and concerned, but thankfully you are treating this girl with respect, regardless of what you may fear that she has done or could have gone on. This should lead to the best conclusion. Reacting with fear and prejudice as out 'friend' Miki did only makes things worse.

Keep up the good work!

Suz
on May 28, 2004

Another thing I noticed was the advice to leave your children with a relative. That's no safegaurd, either.


Yeah, I was thinking about that last night.


  How many kids are molested or abused whilst in the care of relatives?  How many people scrutinize the relatives that will be providing childcare with the same detail as a prospective sitter?  People think that because they're kin, they're 'safe', and that's where problems start.

on May 28, 2004

Wow, thanks all.  I try my very best as a parent.  It seems that I communicate that to most people.  You all put forth very good points.


Suz, thanks so much for the compliment on how I handled the sitter.  I know this girl and just can't bring myself to believe it was drugs.  I don't know why she has been lieing to me but that doesn't mean that it is definitely drugs.  I am going to keep in touch and hopefully find out more.  She isn't a bad person, she just isn't capable of the decison making I require in order to be left with my children.

on May 28, 2004
Incase it interests anyone I checked out Miki's site to see what type of a person he is. Turns out he has a link to a video of someone being beheaded (which i declined to check out) in an attempt to prove that a CIA video is fake.
Gee - someone who even KNOWS where to go to find this stuff is obviously a balanced person. I think we should ALL take his words as gospel and home school our children too. Just the sort of person we need educating our future.
on May 30, 2004
Not ever letting anyone watch your kids is extreme.


I don't necessarily agree here, Jill. We never hired a sitter for our kids....they were either with us, or with their grandparents, period. There just weren't a lot of folks out there I trusted to care for my youngsters.

I never had a babysitter when growing up. I think that the only adult that ever watched me was my Grandma. Luckily, she like me. However, I have also seen her pull one of my cousins across the floor by her hair. Unless you want to be with your child 24/7, which I find unrealistic, then you find a person that you feel you can trust. If they break that trust then you simply don't have them watch your kids.


Very true, Karma....and I did just that...I trusted my mother and my MIL....they were the only people other than myself and my husband who watched my children....and I think all three of them have turned out alright so far.



on May 30, 2004

Gee - someone who even KNOWS where to go to find this stuff is obviously a balanced person. I think we should ALL take his words as gospel and home school our children too. Just the sort of person we need educating our future.


ROFL!!! Go Suz!!!!

on May 30, 2004

poetmom, that was in response to Miki saying that his kids were never without one of their parents.  Even you let grandparents watch the kids.  I'm sorry but I think it would be ridiculous to go  12 or more years with never going anywhere without your kids.  What if you don't have family around to help out?  I think if you didn't have the grandparents, you might have done some searching for a suitable sitter.


In hindsight everyone can say I didn't "know" this person well enough to let her and her boyfriend care for my children.  I spent a lot of time with this girl.  My husband and I both spent time with the boyfriend.  Our 7yr old is a painfully honest child who tells all.  There just wasn't any way to forsee such an incredible lack of judgement.  She had never shown any signs of such a deficiency in the past.

on May 30, 2004

What if you don't have family around to help out?


We're in that boat. You just have to do the best you can 'feeling' someone out.


I'd like to point out that it's not as if Jill and her husband were leaving their children for the weekend with this girl, or even overnight.  They had gone to a gathering at a friends house a short distance away, they had given the sitter numerous points of contact, they had a contingency plan in case of emergency...they had done everything reasonably prudent parents would have done to enusure the well-being and safety of their children.  Ultimately it's the sitter who's to blame for failing to shoulder the responsibility of her position of trust and failing to provide adequate supervision for the boys.  But, as usual, it's easier to blame the parents for not 'knowing' the sitter than it is to blame the real culprit.

on May 31, 2004
What if you don't have family around to help out? I think if you didn't have the grandparents, you might have done some searching for a suitable sitter.


We moved away from family 6 yrs ago...and never used a sitter in that time. I just don't like the idea of leaving my children with anyone other than family...never have and never will....but that's just me. That doesn't mean that it's not a viable option for others, and I am sure you and your husband did the best you could to provide good care for your children. As I said before, things happen, no matter how many precautions you take, and it's NOT your fault.
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