I recently read a very powerful story in Parents magazine about a woman who was forced to deal with the loss of her baby who was born at 23 weeks.  The part that really stuck with me was when she talked about not being able to put herself in other's shoes prior to this experience.  That ability is called Empathy and it seems as though a lot of people just don't have it.

I was impressed that she recognized the fact that she always had good intentions toward other people in their times of need but truly didn't have the capacity to feel their pain.  Why is it so many people have to experience something terribly painful in order to empathize with others?  And why is it that some people can have the same experience but can still not project the thought that others might go through things that are equally painful?

I was always told I was an old soul and that I was wise before my years.  I credit that to a natural sense of empathy.  My older son has the same ability.  My younger son has to experience things first.  Many other relatives I have just don't posess the capacity.

I experienced two miscarriages myself and can say that I can truly feel that woman's pain.  Not to the extent that anyone actually going through such a horrific thing would experience, but it is certainly in my frame of reference.  Prior to my miscarriages I could have imiagined it but my experience gives me more credibility, I guess.

She said in her story that someone actually said to her "This must be hard for your pregnant sister-in-law".  How could anyone be so un-empathetic?!  What a horrible thing to say!  Then there are people who have good intentions but lack capacity who say "Everything happens for a reason".  If you could put yourself in her shoes, you would certainly never say such a thing.

Unempathetic people try to say the "right thing" without regard to how it will be recieved.  Experience can help you acquire empathy but it certainly doesn't guarantee it.  True compassion requires empathy.  I hear and see a lot of people who claim to be tolerant and compassionate.  Their lack of empathy usually exposes the truth.