Life isn't Fair

How do you get used to that?

Published on March 7, 2006 By JillUser In Philosophy

The death of Dana Reeve really touched me deeply. That family suffered such hardship, such tragedy. Their young son has learned the 'life isn't fair' lesson in a very brutle way. How can such wonderful people suffer such tragedy when so many horrible people sail blissfully through life?

This is a question I simply can't get passed. I have seen it day in and day out during my 35yrs of life. Life can be so unfair. It just doesn't make sense.

I have had an extremely fortunate life. I have been blessed in so many ways. I have suffered very little loss so far. That worries me. It causes me to feel like the other shoe will drop at any time. I'm a worry wart and can't help it.

Everything happens for a reason just doesn't cut it for me in cases like Dana Reeve. Also, I was reading about a local benefit that will take place to raise money for a poor baby girl of only 2yrs old who has cancerous growths on her brain stem and spinal cord. Why does she have to suffer like that?

It just makes no sense.

**This is in the philosophy section. Please do not comment with scripture quotation. I don't mind you crediting or blaming God for such things, just don't get preachy.

Comments (Page 2)

Locamama

on Mar 08, 2006

I think you can't question why me when something goes wrong if you don't also ask yourself why me when something goes right. Most of our lives are pretty smooth and then we face a crisis and want to know why me? We don't ask that when things are good, everyone is happy, you have money in the bank, no health problems. why me?

dharmagrl

on Mar 08, 2006

'God is deeper still'

WTF is that supposed to mean? That god has a plan for us all that involves cancer and tragedy and kids being in agony for their entire short lives, but that god's such a deep thinker that we can't possibly understand his plans and shouldn't even try???

That's utter bull-poo IMO. I don't want anything to do with a god that's going to treat us like his own personal ant colony and burn one of us with his celestial magnifying glass every so often, just for kicks, to keep us on our toes.

I'm so glad I'm not a christian any more.

*sorry Jill. That comment just rubbed me the wrong way*

JillUser

on Mar 08, 2006

We don't ask that when things are good, everyone is happy, you have money in the bank, no health problems. why me?

Speak for yourself. I do all the time.

JillUser

on Mar 08, 2006

I don't like that Dana died or my aunt will die from lung cancer. But I can't bring myself to attach fairness to it.

Does that make sense?

No, honestly it doesn't. It doesn't make sense to me because that is the first thing I think after "how horrible!". But like I said, I also ask why I deserve what I have all the time too.

That god has a plan for us all that involves cancer and tragedy and kids being in agony for their entire short lives, but that god's such a deep thinker that we can't possibly understand his plans and shouldn't even try???

I had a similar thought. It all just seems like lame attempts at justifying somethiing we don't understand. Something that doesn't make any sense. Just sweep it under the rug with a "everything happens for a higher reason" excuse. I'm happy for anyone who finds comfort that easily. I surely don't.

mgosh

on Mar 08, 2006

Tradegy and sucess, why do bad things happen to good people? Why do bad things happen at all?

That's utter bull-poo IMO. I don't want anything to do with a god that's going to treat us like his own personal ant colony and burn one of us with his celestial magnifying glass every so often, just for kicks, to keep us on our toes.

I don't think it's like that, that he does this "for kicks". A higher purpose, a higher reason? A reason that is uncomprehendable to us. Yes, I would believe that, rather than just randomness. It's far too easy to believe that everything good/bad just happens and there is no reason, then to actually think of a grander plan then what we have in mind. It's not something unquestionable, it's not something you can't think and wonder why do these things happen? Because, I often wondered myself why do tradegies occur?

Why did Reeve have his accident? Why did his wife have to suffer with Lung Cancer? I don't have an answer for those things. Is it just malice and hatred? No, I don't believe so. Is it random? Could be but I don't believe in just randomness. There is an order to life, an occurance of events that shapes into a pattern. To be less obscure events lead into lessons and lessons are things learned.

What can we learn about tradegy? That we can appreaciate each moment of life.

JillUser

on Mar 08, 2006

What can we learn about tradegy? That we can appreaciate each moment of life.

Only the survivors get a chance to learn that lesson though.

BTW, I don't find it easy to believe things happen for no reason. It is hard. It is painful but it sure seems real to me. It is easier, IMO to believe that it is all for a purpose that I just don't understand. That is called hope. I understand hope. I don't know how people who go through tragedy day in and day out would function without it. It still doesn't make sense and it isn't fair.

Jythier

on Mar 09, 2006

Satan causes the tragedies to happen. This is so that people will react the way that some of you have.

I don't want anything to do with a god that's going to treat us like his own personal ant colony and burn one of us with his celestial magnifying glass every so often, just for kicks, to keep us on our toes.

That's exactly the reaction Satan wants from you. Don't feel bad, he's very good at deception. Also, people cause tragedies to happen as well. People were given the gift of free will from God, but so was Satan. So, God has to allow some scope of activity from him, just as he does from us.
However, every time a tragedy occurs, God kicks into action, too, and brings some kind of good out of it. A lot of times the good isn't seen beyond the people involved in it, but it's always there, and it's always greater than whatever evil came about.
I was aiming for an explanation, but if this is too on the preachy side for you, I won't be offended if you delete it. It's your blog, after all!

JillUser

on Mar 09, 2006

I was aiming for an explanation, but if this is too on the preachy side for you, I won't be offended if you delete it. It's your blog, after all!

It was bordering on preachy for me but this shows your intent and I appreciate that. The 'Satan did it' explaination doesn't work for me any more than the 'everything happens for a reason' line. I'm well aware of the christian explainations though so anyone else who feels they need to "explain" that form of explaination to me can save their time.

I am happy for anyone who takes comfort in their religion in situations like this. I personally think that is what organized religion is for. It doesn't work for me and, although many of you might conclude it is just because I don't know any better, I've read the bible, I've had the debates, I'm still unfulfilled.

Like I said though, I didn't post this in religion so please try to stick to how you feel rather than telling me Satan did it and I'm just falling into his trap or that I shouldn't question God's plan for us. I respect that people believe those things but I preempted those discussions by stating that they don't work for me.

bakerstreet

on Mar 09, 2006

After years in the church, and years out, and various and sundry tragedies, I have come to the conclusion that this isn't something that doesn't make sense. It makes perfect sense. It was kind of an epiphany, but I finally asked myself, "What gives you the idea that this stuff is wrong, or unfair?"

I couldn't come up with an answer. I can't think of a single source that tells me things are going to go well. I can't think of anywhere I got the idea that I was supposed to live to a ripe old age. If you look at nature, what we go through is normal, but when we look at ourselves, it's unfair.

In terms of God, my conclusion is God doesn't allow bad things to happen to good people. We've just IMPOSED our idea that these things are bad. In reality they are natural. As mortal beings we are afraid of them, as we should be, and we strive to live as long as we can. As thinking creatures, though, I think if we look at everything as a whole, and see ourselves as a part of it, we're just living natural lives like every other creature on earth.

I think the problem is when we shake our fist at the sky and demand to know why God allowed bad things to happen, we're seeing things as 'bad', when they are just normal occurances. People do heinous things, sure, within the bounds of free will. I think in terms of natural tragedy, though, we have to accept that if God made the world, and God is perfect, then our concept of death and dying being 'wrongs' might not be accurate.

All the imposition of original sin and satan and the rest are just bandaids that don't explain why a loving God would allow such "bad" things to happen. In reality, you don' tneed them if these things aren't "bad".

Tova7

on Mar 09, 2006

It was kind of an epiphany, but I finally asked myself, "What gives you the idea that this stuff is wrong, or unfair?"

I had the same one except it wasn't as long. I asked why SHOULDN'T these things happen to me, because like you I see it as fairly "natural."

dharmagrl

on Mar 09, 2006

A reason that is uncomprehendable to us. Yes, I would believe that, rather than just randomness.

I wouldn't. I'd rather go with a 'shit happens' theory than believe that some divine being has a plan for his creations that involves the most innocent members of society experiencing nothing but misery in their short lives.

If that's the nature of the god you worship then I want no part of it.

JillUser

on Mar 09, 2006

I'm with Dharma. I understand a natural balance of good and bad in life. How would you appreciate the good if you never had anything bad happen, right. But explaining a child who knows nothing but pain and misery for the couple of years they are allowed to survive as 'natural' doesn't fly with me in the least.

I've heard your theory on 'bad' before Baker. I think where it doesn't work for me is the part that depends on trusting that we have a loving, perfect God. I can see how your philosophy would work under that condition though. Thanks for the thoughtful and not preachy comment.

KFC Kickin For Christ

on Mar 09, 2006

I just had some thoughts...getting into this without getting preachy would be hard for me so I'll just give you a few thoughts that come to mind as I think on this. No preaching.

God sees our heartaches and takes seriously our loss.

Every life is a complete life no matter how long it was

God has a plan going on and a purpose that we cannot understand

God may be protecting us (them) from something worse in life (I'm thinking of your young child that knows only pain here)

We are part of a fallen human race

None of us are immune to tragedy

Tragedy can serve as a wake up call "pain is God's megaphone to a deaf world." C.S.Lewis

We can still believe and have hope even in the midst of tragedy

KFC Kickin For Christ

on Mar 09, 2006

Have you ever heard the story of Fanny Crosby? She lived in the 1800's. It's a very inspirational story. She was blinded at six weeks by a man who treated her for an eye infection and instead burned her leaving ugly white scars on both eyes.

Seven months later her father died leaving her 21 year old mother and she only 8 months old in poverty.

When Fanny was eight she wrote this:

Oh what a happy child I am, Although I cannot see!
I am resolved that in this world, Contented I will be!
How many blessings I enjoy that other people don't!
To weep or sigh because I'm blind, I cannot-nor I won't!

She went on to write over 9,000 songs and poems with about a third of them published. Pick up any hymn book and you'll see her songs in there.

She turned tragedy into triumph. And she gave glory to God. I've seen first hand and heard stories like this repeatedly. Life isn't really about what happens to us as much as it is what we do with what we're dealt.

The question shouldn't be "Will I die?" or "When will I die?" or "How will I die?" The question really should be....."When I die, where will I go?"

bakerstreet

on Mar 10, 2006

"I've heard your theory on 'bad' before Baker. I think where it doesn't work for me is the part that depends on trusting that we have a loving, perfect God."

Even people who are 80 still dread death, and when they are told they have cancer they still feel something bad is happening to them and that is isn't fair. There really isn't any such thing as dying of old age, you always die of something, something always fails. Imagine what the world would be like if the only people who died were the ones ready and accepting of it.

Would it be fair when God sterilized all those young couples because the natural balance was destroyed and people were being born ten times faster than they were dying? I suppose God could have given us unlimited space and resources, but that is starting to look like a world that would turn out spoiled, ungrateful brats, not people of merit.

The alternative to all this kind of 'bad' would be people sitting here upset because they have to live their long, wonderful life with no children while other people have them. One or the other has to go.

The reason we can have kids like the one mentioned in the article is because 'bad' things happen to make room for them. Otherwise no one would want to bring a child into what this world would be. In that light, by condemning the 'bad' you are condemning the process that allows for 'good'.

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