The adventures of Mommy woman
Blog Away
Published on March 1, 2006 By JillUser In Blogging

After reading a lot of the responses to the recent activity her on JU I felt compelled to defend a few things about the site.  First of all, I am sick to death of people claiming there should be some fear about what you write about in your blogs.  If you really believe that, you haven't been paying attention.

Sure, you can't Title your blog 'So-n-So on JU is a @#$%'.  You can't make your article about what an asshole some blogger, admin or Brad is.  You can however make complaints about whoever you want in your article.  Brad is more open minded about criticism than most people around.  You just can't come on his site and make personal attacks.  If that is unreasonable to you, than yeah, you do have to worry about what you write about on JU or you need to go somewhere else to blog.

If you want to write about how you like to have sex with barnyard animals, go right ahead.  Label it adult content and blog away.  People have blogged about many different things that are considered outrageous by many.  Look how many people blog about illegal drug use, different sex acts, etc.  They haven't been censored or booted.

If you think that refraining from personally attacking Brad or other admins is 'walking on eggshells' then yes, you do have to worry about what you write.  Again, this is not an unreasonable request.  Common decency is expected, no, demanded.  If you can't handle that, too bad.

Finally, like TW pointed out in her blog, JU isn't 'fair' in the respect that all bloggers aren't created equal.  There are different access levels.  There are people who have earned some leway here and others who have done quite the opposite.  This is something that is present throughout the real world too.

When I began blogging here I wasn't up front about my real world identity.  I didn't lie about anything, I just didn't devulge anythint.  I did this because I wanted to earn my own friends or enemies on my own merit.  I didn't want people sucking up to me or hating me because I am Brad's wife.  I think it worked out well because the people who met me before they knew who I 'really' was treat me the same now as they did before but I do think new bloggers who know my identity often weigh their responses differently.

Luckily, most bloggers here treat each other with common courtesy.  Things get heated every once in a while but it rarely devolves to personal attacks.  Brad doesn't ask for kudos or sucking up.  He doesn't even ask that you refrain from challenging things he says.  He only expects that you do it in a respectful manner and not make it into a personal attack.  If you think that is too much to ask then I argue you are the one being unreasonable.


Comments (Page 1)
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on Mar 01, 2006
I've never felt any reason to worry about what I can and can't say here on JoeUser. To tell you the truth, when I look back at my "Troll a Holic" frolic against ColGene, I truly wonder why I wasn't banished.

I only remember two times that I was warned by any admins. I was once "blacklisted" for telling one that a statement was "too stupid for words" (note it wasn't the person I was speaking against, but a statement), but like I said, all I got from that was "black listed". The other time was when I had the nerve to delete an admins comment on my blog for dropping an F-Bomb. That one seemed to be based on "don't you know who I am" more than any real argument against deleting other peoples comments.

In niether case did I feel like my "rights" had been violated, or that I should watch my tongue (or fingers) when writing in JU. First of all, I don't see where "rights" have anything to do with it, since there aren't any "rights" here for anyone. Brad is free to do with JU as he pleases and the rest of us either live with it, or go play somewhere else. It's that simple.

Thanks for a great article!
on Mar 01, 2006

It is a real shame when people push you to an article like this.  I guess I have always thought of you as the list mom that always has a kind word, or at worse, a scolding comment to make.  But never a flame baiter or taker.  I know I have caught a few stern looks from you (through bad generalizations and misplaced or misunderstood sarcasm), but never a discouraging word.  I dont know why people cant just accept that no one likes to be attacked personally and Brad and the admins do a good job of policiing that (but we are free to flame trolls - when we want to get nasty).

I have written about some bloggers.  I dont think I have ever written a flame about any of them, but some were admonishments or taking them to task.  But I keep those on my blog, not in the forums, per the TOU.  Others can find them even then, and have mistaken them for being in the forums (as I have mistaken others as well). 

Brad is arrogant, this I know.  Perhaps moreso than I.  But I know I am arrogant as well.  And I have no problem debating Brad, and when it is apparent he does not buy my point (as many dont), I do not belabor it.  We will just disagree.  But that is the right I afford all bloggers here.  I will debate, but I dont expect to convert you.  On the rare occassion when I do sway a blogger to my point, that makes me feel very good!  And they are so few and far between, that they are memorable.

Take care of Brad.  He is a good man.  I wish I worked for him, but Michigan is kind of cold for me!  And dont let this latest get to you.  Like all the ones before, this too shall pass in time.

on Mar 01, 2006

I don't feel like I have to walk on egg shells.  If I did I would leave.

People may not be banned for the content of their blog (you cited some examples) but then they can't exactly turn around and cry foul, when having only their less than pleasant words and thoughts from their blog to know them, they do something that requires the "benefit of the doubt."

 

on Mar 01, 2006
Thank you ParaTed. I just think that a lot of people aren't putting themselves in the owner's shoes when complaining about Brad or the admins. Too much is expected and taken for granted. So many people here have inflated opinions about their value around here. You can be the most popular person on the site with other bloggers but if Brad gets fed up with the general attitude he is getting from the community and decides it isn't worth it anymore, where does that get you?

I think a lot of people need to step back and ask themselves "If I were investing my time and money on the site, would I put up with crap from people?" I am willing to bet most people would be even less 'fair' about things than Brad has been. I know I have a lower threshold than he does. He's had a lot of experience with online communities. He has been in them ever since they existed. He is also very honest about who he is, what he is about and what he is willing to put up with.
on Mar 01, 2006
On the rare occassion when I do sway a blogger to my point, that makes me feel very good! And they are so few and far between, that they are memorable.


You are very right about that Dr. Guy. It is rare that you change someone's mind about something. Often the best you can do is get them to consider something they hadn't and even if they do change their mind, it is rare that they will admit it We often have to agree to disagree and that is a good thing in my book.

Thanks Dr. Guy.

don't feel like I have to walk on egg shells. If I did I would leave


Good to hear it Tova. I've never seen you personally attack anyone. I bet if people were attacking you left and right unchecked, you wouldn't be too jazzed about sticking around either. Like I said, most bloggers here are very respectful and show common decency. That shouldn't be too much to ask.

Thanks!
on Mar 01, 2006

OH, MONKEY TRUMPETS!!!



Whew... it felt good to not worry about that.
on Mar 01, 2006
bet if people were attacking you left and right unchecked, you wouldn't be too jazzed about sticking around either.


This is true. I don't mind an occasional war..heh.

I think Baker should be banned for saying that!

Where DOES he get the audacity!

Monkey Trumpets...pfft. Downright VILE.

on Mar 01, 2006

OH, MONKEY TRUMPETS!!!


I don't know about your use of capitols and bold though

Thanks for the giggle Baker.
on Mar 01, 2006

OH, MONKEY TRUMPETS!!!

Monkey Trumpets?  Am I that out of the 'in' generation that I dont get that one?

on Mar 01, 2006
Honesty: Brad's online personality rubs me the wrong way. So I just try not to interact with him. That way I don't say anything that could become a problem. You see, I'm not impressed by money. I don't feel like his providing a free blog site implies some indebtedness on my part. I appreciate the blog site and money, man (or woman!) hours, and dedication that goes into it, but my respect is earned by how someone treats me and others.

I respect you, Jill. I like you. And knowing that you are Brad's wife, I think to myself, if Jill married him (and has stayed married to him, haha), there must be more and better things to him than what I see here. Knowing your connection to him gives me incentive to treat him respectfully...out of respect for you.

I doubt Brad cares too much for me. I've been blogging here for over a year without a single raise in status, which means Brad doesn't really give a shit whether I stay or go. That's fine. I don't think it will hurt his feelings to know that he doesn't give me warm fuzzies either.

I don't worry about what I say on my blog unless it pertains to JoeUser in general or a conversation I'm having with an admin (particularly Brad). At that point, I consider what I say in light of my enjoyment of JoeUser, and try to avoid being offensive.

It can feel restrictive knowing that I must treat some people differently, but generally I'm not much of an abusive blogger (I did say *generally*) so I do ok. So far, anyways.
on Mar 01, 2006
"Monkey Trumpets? Am I that out of the 'in' generation that I dont get that one?"


Words. Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears. People said I was dumb, but I proved them.
on Mar 01, 2006



Honesty: Brad's online personality rubs me the wrong way. So I just try not to interact with him.


That is called being wise.

You see, I'm not impressed by money.


He doesn't try to impress people with money. Anyone who knows him will attest to that.

Knowing your connection to him gives me incentive to treat him respectfully...out of respect for you.


I like you a lot TW but this statement troubles me. I don't understand why you can't respect him for providing this website free for people to enjoy. Liking someone is separate from respecting them. You don't have to like him to be here but you do have to respect him. It bothers me that I am the only reason you feel you should treat him respectfully. I truly can't understand that.

There are plenty of people in my life that I don't like but I respect. They don't have to go hand-in-hand. For instance, I respect anyone who practices what they preach. I may not agree with what they're preaching, but if they aren't hypocrites, I respect them.

I've been blogging here for over a year without a single raise in status


There is no valuation of seniority here TW. As far as him liking or disliking you, I know he thinks you are a good person but I don't think you have made any significant impression with him one way or another.

I have never known you to be an abusive blogger in any way shape or form. I hope that you continue to enjoy blogging here for the sake of the interaction without any other expectations. I enjoy your contribution here. I guess whatever your motives for respect are, the important thing is that you are respectful. Therefore you have nothing to worry about.
on Mar 01, 2006
Words. Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears. People said I was dumb, but I proved them.


You crack me up Baker
on Mar 01, 2006
I don't understand why you can't respect him for providing this website free for people to enjoy. Liking someone is separate from respecting them. You don't have to like him to be here but you do have to respect him. It bothers me that I am the only reason you feel you should treat him respectfully. I truly can't understand that.


I treat him respectfully due to his status as admin and owner of the site. I think that's a separate thing from personal respect. I think it's admirable that he has chosen to provide a place for people from all over the world to have a blogsite free of charge. The way I see him treat people (arrogant, blunt, etc.) is not the kind of thing that endears someone to me. I know some (a lot, even) people like and appreciate that kind of thing. I'm more of a sensitive sort, and I appreciate overt kindness and humility. I respect him in the ways that I am required to respect him, if that makes sense.

And I also realize that offline he's probably a lot more of an amiable fellow.

There is no valuation of seniority here TW


My apologies...I'm slow. What does that mean?

(BTW, I didn't intend that as a whine or "poor me"...just that I take that as indication that I'm someone who "gets" to blog here, not someone who is "encouraged" to blog here)

As far as him liking or disliking you, I know he thinks you are a good person but I don't think you have made any significant impression with him one way or another.


Story of my life. (Kidding, hehe)

I have never known you to be an abusive blogger in any way shape or form. I hope that you continue to enjoy blogging here for the sake of the interaction without any other expectations. I enjoy your contribution here. I guess whatever your motives for respect are, the important thing is that you are respectful. Therefore you have nothing to worry about.


I generally (though not always!) don't like being mean or hurting people. I enjoy blogging here. It's a nice mix of people, I learn a lot, and I like writing and getting feedback. That hasn't changed. And I'm not suddenly going to start making an ass of myself, hehe. Not on purpose at least.
on Mar 01, 2006
PS - As Simon Cowell would say, "I'm not being rude, I'm just being honest." Hehe. Seriously, though, I'm not trying to trash anyone, just attempting to lay my cards out on the table.
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