Are Our Children Racially Color Blind?

Published on December 28, 2005 By JillUser In Blogging

I don't know about other JUer's children but I think my children really don't take notice of the color of skin. As an example, my 9yr old was talking about the different holidays and mentioned that one classmate celebrates kwanza and another celebrates Ramadan. I knew the girl who celebrates Ramadan but had to ask who celebrates kwanza. I expected he would either name a name or have a physical description. Instead he responded "the kid who's allergic to peanuts".

Our area is very diverse and my kids have been around people from literally around the world. Our last neighborhood included families from China, India, French Congo, Italy and Macedonia. And that just includes the ones we knew. Our family has had house guests from England, Italy and Finland. Close friends just got back from a year living in Korea. I barely knew anyone outside of Michigan growing up!

I do think that racism is a pretty foreign concept to many children growing up in America today. I wish I could say I think racism is almost dead. I think there are those who will keep racism alive forever either in the name of hate or in the name of racial pride. I do think we have come an enormous way in looking at each other as merely fellow human beings.

Comments

Manopeace

on Dec 28, 2005

Great article Jill. I wholeheartedly agree with what you say. Racism is an inherited disease. Children whose parents are not carriers for the most part never catch this dreaded disease.
There is no reason in the world to identify a person by race in a normal discussion... thats what given names are for.
The only valid reason ever where it might matter is in describing a criminal. Otherwise, the racist himself is a criminal, or a potential one.

Chaos Manager

on Dec 28, 2005

Great article, Jill!

I've got say, it is something they learn. My kids are similar to yours, they don't notice skin color. My daughter (4 years old) was playing with her friend from down the street. When one of the hicks in the area noticed them playing in the sandbox together he asked my daughter if she realized that her friend was black and why was she playing with a black girl?

Her response? "She's black? I hadn't noticed." and promptly turned back around to play with her friend. After chasing the hick off, I cheered for my daughter.

But, hey! What can you expect when her adopted grandmother (by her and her siblings choice as a "third" grandmother) is black. And the kids don't even notice. They just notice that she's a sweet old lady that loves kids and has taken a real shining to them.

They do wonder why some of the other kids in the neighbourhood refuse to play with them (we're one of ... 4 or 5 white/non-black families in this particular neighbourhood of about 200 families). It's kind of hard to explain to kids why they're being treated that way when they don't understand (or refuse to understand) the concept of hating someone just because of their skin color.

Demosthenes Locke

on Dec 28, 2005

When I saw the Robin Hood movie with Morgan Freeman as a child, I never could get what they meant by "painted man." I thought they were just referring to the freckles on his face, not that he was black. It wasn't until watching it again in my teens that it finally occurred to me that it was on account of his skin color.

You are totally right that it is a learned behavior, and bravo for preventing the lesson.

Dr Guy

on Dec 28, 2005

Yep! My training was as a military brat. Bill and I were best friends and shared the same birthday! And we had each other's backs (in a snooty school no less). It was not until much later, when a coworker demonstrated her bigotry, that I realized.... Bill was darker than me!

I miss him! I wonder if I can look him up! Finest kind!

Dr Guy

on Dec 28, 2005

Her response? "She's black? I hadn't noticed." and promptly turned back around to play with her friend. After chasing the hick off, I cheered for my daughter.

Damn! You still got some down there! Sorry for that! But then we still have a few museum pieces up here as well!

AngelaMarie88

on Dec 28, 2005

Add my vote. I agree that racism is learned. Growing up in predominantly caucasian neighborhoods, I remember one time I paused to wonder if I'd ever seen a black person...I jogged my memory and, YES, the first house I lived in my best friend was black, she lived across the street. I really had to think hard because I never noticed she was black. I agree that kids don't notice these things, and aside from preserving & celebrating cultural traditions, I don't think there's much reason to notice any differences between races.

If it weren't for my dad, I wouldn't notice skin color or ethnicity at all. I'm not racist, but little rude comments and jokes of his still echo in my mind. Bigotry is dreadful and our generation needs to put this to a STOP!

Manopeace

on Dec 28, 2005

This particular blog, so far, has restored my faith in Joe User! It's so refreshing to see the responses so far.... Thanks Jill for writin this.

xtine

on Dec 28, 2005

Many years ago, when my daughter was small, we were over at a friend's house for a playgroup-type thing. Another mom asked which one was my child and I pointed her out saying, "She's over there playing with Chere." The lady asked who Chere was and I said, "The little black girl."

My daughter overheard me and said quite indignantly,

"She's not BLACK, she's BROWN!!!"

Out of the mouths of babes.

Texas Wahine

on Dec 28, 2005

My youngest child's best friend is an adorable little black boy named Tre Kwan. They are two of kind, and soooo cute together!

I feel fortunate that my children go to school with such a diverse group of kids and learned acceptance first hand. No amount of books I could buy (heh, and I have A LOT of cultural diversity kids' books!) could teach them this lesson the way life has.

I do think that, for young children, racism IS learned, although I don't think parents always teach it intentionally.

It's like when a child first becomes aware of an obese person, and, out of curiosity about the physical difference, begins asking questions. That's their natural reaction. What's NOT their natural reaction, and what is definitely learned, is a snotty or hateful reaction like, "Look at the fat lady! She's a cow!" (I've heard a small child...4 or 5...say this about an obese lady in a store before).

Children are curious about differences, but when they overhear judgments and negative comments, they WILL pick up on that. I think it's important to indulge their curiosity (and a man missing an arm or a woman with a birth mark covering her cheek, or anyone who looks "different" or unusual to child, will typically not take offense to a child's sincere questions).

Children should be allowed to talk about and question differences. It's up to us parents, though, to make good use of those opportunities and teach our children that different doesn't mean bad.

Texas Wahine

on Dec 28, 2005

I agree wholheartedly. This also means recognizing that differences do exist, and not attempting to pretend they don't by laying some sort of weird guilt trip on a child who notices said differences.

Right. Children are little sponges, and they just learn, learn, learn (even when we don't want them to!), and it's really sad to stifle that by hushing them up on things that interest them that might make us uncomfortable.

I can remember being at the store last year and my children seeing a man who was missing a leg. I allowed the boys to ask him about it. They were not rude, but simply curious.

The man was very kind and explained to the boys that he had lost his leg in the Vietnam war. They told him that their daddy was away at war, and he and my children had a very sweet little patriotic conversation.

In the end, I prompted the boys to thank him for what he'd done for our country, and he walked away with a big smile, while my boys walked away with a greater understanding of the meaning of service.

I think it was a terrific experience for all of us, and it would not have happened if I had told the boys to look away and not say anything about his missing leg. My boys were not out to ridicule him or be hateful. They were curious. Children are curious, and they stand to learn a lot from asking about the differences they see in people and in the world.

Locamama

on Dec 28, 2005

I grew up in white bread Ohio and I never saw a black person except on TV. We went to another town and I pointed at all the black people because I thought they were like George Jefferson.

JillUser

on Dec 28, 2005

Locamama:

I pointed at all the black people because I thought they were like George Jefferson.

That's a cute anecdote. Thanks for sharing.

Texas Wahine:

it's really sad to stifle that by hushing them up on things that interest them that might make us uncomfortable.

I totally agree! I don't tend to get uncomfortable with much because I have had life experience with people who have lost limbs, developmentally disabled adults, etc. I am honest with my kids about things. I do discourage them from pointing and staring but not from asking polite questions that come from innocent curiosity.

LW:

This also means recognizing that differences do exist, and not attempting to pretend they don't by laying some sort of weird guilt trip on a child who notices said differences.

Absolutely!

hatred is indeed learned, but it's learned many ways and not necessarily from the parents.

Very valid point to be made LW.

xtine:

"She's not BLACK, she's BROWN!!!"

My kids say brown too and my older son used to call afros "buffalo hair" because it reminded him of a buffalo's mane.

This particular blog, so far, has restored my faith in Joe User! It's so refreshing to see the responses so far.... Thanks Jill for writin this.

Well thanks for participating Mano!

Angela Marie:

Bigotry is dreadful and our generation needs to put this to a STOP

Agreed!

Dr. Guy:

It was not until much later, when a coworker demonstrated her bigotry, that I realized.... Bill was darker than me!

A friend is just a friend, right?

Chaos:

they don't understand (or refuse to understand) the concept of hating someone just because of their skin color.

Isn't that wonderful?!

Gideon MacLeish

on Dec 29, 2005

I don't think children are racially colorblind, as a rule. They see skin color, they just don't use it as a measure of a person's worth.

I grew up in a very racially integrated culture. When you're dirt poor and white, there isn't much difference between you and every racial minority out there. You make friends with those who will have you as friends, and you find out quickly those friends are predominantly minority. But I still see skin color, the same as I see hair color, the same as I see freckles, the same as I see a cleft lip. It's just one feature that can be used to identify a person.

JillUser

on Dec 29, 2005

They see skin color, they just don't use it as a measure of a person's worth.

I think you are confusing my meaning of "racially colorblind". If they were colorblind all together that would mean they wouldn't notice skin color. I am saying they are blind to any racial difference. Saying someone has brown skin to them isn't any different than saying they have blue eyes or red hair. Get my point?

I am sorry to hear that you felt you only made friends with people who would have you as friends. I wasn't dirt poor growing up but pretty close to it. I never felt like the kids who had more were worth more than me though. Perhaps you had the friends that you did because you felt you had more in common with them.

I was friends with farm kids like myself who had very little and I was also friends with rich kids whose parents owned ski resorts and had everything they ever wanted and more. My parents always taught me a strong sense of worth though so I always held my own no matter who I was with. I learned early on that some people have it easier in life but that certainly doesn't make them better people.

Gideon MacLeish

on Dec 29, 2005

I am sorry to hear that you felt you only made friends with people who would have you as friends. I wasn't dirt poor growing up but pretty close to it. I never felt like the kids who had more were worth more than me though.

I assure you, when I got on the bus to attend Oklahoma Boy's State following my junior year, an honor I had EARNED, and heard the snide remarks from the wealthier kids who had gotten in because their daddies and granddaddies were IN the American Legion, the value judgements were made for me. I never felt I was worth more, or less, than any of them, and never shut my door to anyone, but I will assure you that, to this day, in certain semi-rural communities of the south, you STILL "know your place". And that "place" has little to do with color.

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