The adventures of Mommy woman
A good investment
Published on November 10, 2003 By JillUser In Home & Family
How many couples truly put their marriage first? In a world where 50% of marriages end in divorce (and the other 50% in death Quoted from Justice League), it is easier to just make excuses as to why marriage doesn't work rather than face the fact that most people just don't try. I used to think that I was just being selfish or even a bad mother when considering going out with my husband more often. Now I know that it is the best thing we can do for our family.

Life zings by at an alarming rate these days and it is far to easy to get caught up in what we percieve as what we are supposed to be doing. We are supposed to expose our children to every "enriching" experience available. We are supposed to help them with their homework every night. We are supposed to do everything we can for them...right? Aren't happily married parents on the top of the list for well adjusted kids?

I have seen too many couples arguing about either things they want to do for themselves or things they "have" to do for their kids. They won't think twice about buying Columbia coats and Nike shoes and Tommy Hilfiger clothes for their kids or themselves but wouldn't consider spending $200 on a weekend getaway for the two of them.

Too many couples "grow apart" because they allow it to happen. They lose interest in what their spouse is experiencing. How many wives know what their husband really does at work? How many men care about how their wives spend their day? In thier down time, do they do things together or do they plan separate recreation. My parents, for instance, didn't do things together. She always wanted to get out and do things. He always wanted to read or watch TV. I think they are both bitter now that they never did things for their marriage. Not a single trip together (post children). I am grateful for all they did for me but saddened that they didn't take care of themselves the way they should have.

I want to show my children that they are of utmost importance but that it is just as important that their parents stay connected and happy. It doesn't make sense to me to shower your children with all of your time and money then pull the rug out from under them by braking up your marriage.
Comments
on Nov 10, 2003
very insightful. putting kids first is the popular thing now and i think relationships are sacrificed. if you dont always put your kids first we are demonized nowadays. how about a family where everyone in the family is of equal importance? gee wouldnt that be a new idea.
on Nov 11, 2003
I think that another reason that 50% of marriages end in divorce because of 2 reasons: (1) it's too easy to get married and (2) it's too easy to get divorced. A lot of young people these days take marriage as just the next step in a relationship. If it doesn't work out, well, there's always divorce. I have a friend who was married for less than a year. He had doubts going into the marriage, and not just the cold feet kind. I had doubts about the marriage, although I didn't say anything until he expressed his doubts to me, and then I tried to talk him into at least putting a hold on things. But by that time he was feeling pressured into going through with it because of all the wedding plans, etc. Now he's divorced at age 25, which I suppose is better than divorced at 35 with a couple of kids.
on Nov 11, 2003
CariElf, people who marry even when they shouldn't is really a different subject than what I am referring to. You are right that being divorced before having kids is much better. Once you have kids you are linked for life. If you don't have kids, you can start all over again.

My point, whether I am making it effectively or not, is that couples put their relationship on the back burner in order to do all of the things that society is telling them they need to do. How many times do we hear "the children have to come first." I agree to that in respect to their health and well being. It seems people take it to the extreme to mean they come first for everything. I think that is wrong.

If parents are using all of their energies on their kids, they aren't using any for themselves. You have to keep in touch with what brought you together in the first place. I don't just mean a token bouquet of flowers or a card every once in a while. I mean keeping in touch with each others' interests and goals. Make plans together. Don't let the busy world rob you of each other. The kids will benefit more by your having a healthy, happy relationship than by any group, sport or event that they may miss out on during your date night.
on Nov 11, 2003
Jilluser - nice job. so many marriages could be saved if the dating never stopped...
on Nov 11, 2003
Jilluser - nice job. so many marriages could be saved if the dating never stopped...
on Nov 13, 2003
JillUser, you made your point effectively. I was just inspired to add my own comments on the divorce rate.

You are right about kids benefiting more from healthy marriages; the best kids I know come from happy marriages.

I will keep your advice in mind if I ever find someone I want to marry.