I have dealt with death before.  I have even lost loved ones to cancer before.  Nothing has ever been as difficult as this.  A piece of happiness is gone that I can't get back.

I can't even write much about it yet but hope to be able to some day.  For now I will just lay out what I can:

I met Debbie in Kindergarten. 

We became best friends in the 4th grade.  We became "The Debbies"

We grew from awkward little girls together. 

We ended up at the same college.

Got married within 2 weeks of each other and stood in each other's weddings.

All three of our children are within 6 months of age of each other.

Shortly after visiting me when my youngest was born, she found out she had colon cancer.

Nearly 3yrs later, she lost her battle to stay with her husband and 3 young children.

I watched her slip away.  We said "I love you Deb" to each other a million times.

She was lowered into the ground (right across the street from where we graduated from high school) a week ago today.

It just isn't right.  Her husband shouldn't have to raise those kids himself.  Those 3 little boys shouldn't have to live the rest of their lives without their mommy. 

We were supposed to grow old together.  We were supposed to be wrinkly, crazy old ladies together.  I'm heartbroken.  I'm sad beyond words.  I've cried so much some days that I actually ran out of tears.

I don't want to hear about "the healing process" or "God's plan" or any of those other things that people say when they want to comfort you.  Sometimes it's better to just say "I'm so sorry for your loss" or say nothing at all.

I know that life will go on.  I know that it's okay to be happy.  It just feels wrong that I can have what she can't.  But most of all, I miss her...and I will for the rest of my life.