With some it's easy, others it takes practice
If you are reading this in hopes it is about sex, sorry. Move along.
I was pondering today about the different people in my life I feel love toward and whether or not I express it properly to them. I tell my husband and kids constantly that I love them. I use loving nicknames like honey, sweetie, etc to express my affection. I am certain they know they are loved.
I never end a conversation with my mom without saying "I love you". Actually, we have gotten into the habit where she says "I love you" and I say "Love you too". I always tell my grandma, who is less comfortable with it, "I love you grandma" and she says "Me too". I know they know how I feel.
Now, when it comes to my sister and dad, for some reason it isn't as effortless to say "I love you". It isn't that I love them any less than my mom or grandma. Maybe it is due to my perception of their comfort level with me saying it. I can't put my finger on it. It comes up every now and then. Especially when there is a time of family stress or special event. I hope that I express it enough in actions.
I tell my mom-in-law that I love her on the phone every once in a while and I sign with love on mail and email every time. I feel comfortable with that because I feel she feels the same way. I'm not as sure about how my dad-in-law feels. We hug though so I think love is adequately expressed.
My dad grew up in a very emotionally disfunctional family. My aunts and uncles from that side are a kind of stand offish type. I feel more like family with my aunt and uncle-in-laws than most of my blood relatives. Again, maybe that is just due to my own perception of things. I do know that my dad is very uncomfortable in emotional situations. He was very nervous at my wedding and patted me on the back the entire time we danced the father-daughter dance at the reception. He doesn't say a lot but I can look in his eyes and know what he is thinking. He didn't say much of anything the night I had my first baby. It was a very difficult delivery and everyone was worried. After the birth, my dad came in, looked at me with concerned watery eyes, sat down and took my hand. He held my hand and patted it for quite some time. I knew that meant "I was really worried because I love you so much. I am relieved you are okay." I hope he understands that sort of thing through my actions. I think he does.
I often wish my husband could look into my brain and see what I am thinking. I think that I don't convey my feelings about him adequately. He knows I love him. There is no doubt there. I just can't imagine that he knows the extent of my love, appreciation and admiration. I just don't know how to convey that to him.
Does anyone else struggle with this? I imagine everyone has someone they care about in a way they feel they don't express adequately. I just always fear that someone I love is going to feel taken for granted. I would never want that to happen.