This weekend my mom called to deliver the shocking news that my cousin/aunt was found hanged in her home.  To clarify, cousin/aunt means she is my uncle's daughter but she got taken away from him and my grandparents then adopted her making her legally my aunt (and to make things really confusing, legally her father is her brother).  Yes, I'm a hick.  There are a few "uncle, daddy, Bob" situations in my mom's side of the family.

My poor cousin's life got off to a rotten start being born to the parents she had.  Having my grandparents adopt her was the next tragic step.  They were awful parents to their own kids (hence raising a man who got his kids taken away) and were even worse trying to parent a grandchild.  My grandma hated my cousin's mother and took it out on her all the time.

This cousin was a constant in my life while I lived with my parents.  My grandparents were our "next door" neighbors, meaning they lived only 1/4 mile away.  She played Barbies with us, came to our birthday parties, etc.  As soon as she graduated high school (she's 6yrs older than I) she got away from my grandparents as quickly as possible which meant moving in with a guy.  She soon had two kids and a drug problem.

I was naive to her lifestyle until I babysat for her one weekend while I was in high school.  Her kids were about 4 and 1.  It was supposed to just be for a Saturday evening.  I arrived to find an absolute dump for a house.  I couldn't believe the filth!  There were so many dirty dishes stacked in the kitchen that they set up a card table to accomodate them.  There were dirty diapers just stacked in a corner.  I had to get cleaning in order to spend any amount of time there.

My cousin was busy filling a bag with lobster tails and wine while instructing me on how to care for the kids.  She paid me ahead of time and left me with a phone number to the Holiday Inn they would be at.  That was the last I heard from her until I called at about 2AM.  My mom had called me worried of course.  I told her they hadn't returned and that I would call.  My cousin answered and explained that they were too "trashed" to come home until the next day.  I then told her she could collect the kids from my parents' house because that is where I would be taking them.

She showed up at about 2PM the next day.  She paid me again since she didn't remember paying me before and of course I didn't correct her.  I never babysat again.  The last time I saw her was Christmas Eve 1995.  I never considered I would never see her again.

So now there is an investigation to see if she hanged herself or if it was murder.  Apparently she was newly married to a guy who had just gotten out of jail (I don't know what he was in for).  She was hanged with a chain in the garage and he was the one who found her.  Anything is possible when dealing with drug addicts.

Her son, now about 20yrs old, is in jail for robbery and her daughter is married and has children of her own.  Apparently she got away as soon as she graduated too.  Hopefully she won't follow in her mom's footsteps.

I just can't wrap my brain around how someone I grew up with had such a vastly different life than I.  I was fortunate to have the parents I have.  I have been blessed my entire life.  I have known only love and, for the vast majority, happiness.  I'm not sure my cousin ever felt loved and now it's too late.