Women, Help me Understand

on Mar 26, 2006

one hates sex and the other loves it, it is bound to ruin the marriage.

Marital sex, when it's good, is a small part of the relationship. When it's bad, however....it grows out of proportion and becomes a monstrosity that can wreck otherwise great relationships.

Mothering, housework, jobs, pets, neighbors, also all take their toll on a woman's libio

We're not talking about her not wanting to do it, Trudy. She simply hates the act of sex. That's what I don't understand - I mean, there are times when I don't feel like it because I'm tired of busy or whatever, but I don't HATE sex. I like it, I enjoy it - and she doesn't. Like I said, I just don't understand that.

17

JillUser

on Mar 26, 2006

Marital sex, when it's good, is a small part of the relationship. When it's bad, however....it grows out of proportion and becomes a monstrosity that can wreck otherwise great relationships.

So very true!

We're not talking about her not wanting to do it, Trudy. She simply hates the act of sex

Exactly! I think we can all relate to just simply being too tired. Stress however is a great reason for having sex. I bet sleep aid companies would be hurting if more people could just try a romp when they feel they can't fall asleep rather than popping a pill.

18

Trudygolightly

on Mar 26, 2006

You don't understand Trudy, this is my best friend since the 3rd grade. We say anything and everything to each other. I've known her husband since the 9th grade. Believe me, he isn't abusive and I know my friend well enough to know when she says she doesn't like something, it just means she doesn't like it. I was also very jovial when I said she must be doing it wrong.

Ahhhhhh,

NOW I see, ok! that's pretty cool

We're not talking about her not wanting to do it, Trudy. She simply hates the act of sex

Exactly! I think we can all relate to just simply being too
tired

well I gotta admit, I was wrong on this one! can't imagine hating sex, it's such a good part of a relationship. Other things come to mind too, however being as I don't know her, it's anyone's guess what's up with her.

19

Locamama

on Mar 26, 2006

zoomba

Add to that the fact that some women have an overpoweringly irrational fear of pregnancy (yes, I know that even with proper BC on both parties, something can go wrong... but it's a vanishingly small %),

I have to agree with this 100%. I didn't realize how much the worry about pregnancy inhibited me until I had my tubes tied. It was and is such a relief to enjoy it without worrying about the pregnancy issue. Even though I used birth control I still worried until I lost the crib but kept the playpen.

20

AngelaMarie88

on Mar 26, 2006

OK, Dharma edited out her derogatory comment directed at me, so I'll edit out my response to it.

Yes, that was me. I hate sex. I used to love it though. I went through a nymphomaniac stage in my mid-20's, married the guy, then *POOF* sex became less and less fun. Then my husband gained a lot of weight, and now sex is just a squishy, flabby, messy, gross thing. I did state in my blog however that sex is still an occasional treat. Sometimes I just have to overlook the squishy, flabby, messy aspects. Also I've had chronic depression since I was fifteen, and doctors tell me that depression can wreak major havoc on one's libido.

21

Trudygolightly

on Mar 27, 2006

Also I've had chronic depression since I was fifteen, and doctors tell me that depression can wreak major havoc on one's libido.

sorry to hear this, hope that if you need help, you'll be able or want to seek help.
I'm really sorry for any pain you have AngelaMarie

22

AngelaMarie88

on Mar 27, 2006

Thanks for your kind words, Trudy (((( ))))

23

JillUser

on Mar 27, 2006

doctors tell me that depression can wreak major havoc on one's libido.

I would imagine that would have a huge influence on your libido.

24

dharmagrl

on Mar 27, 2006

OK, Dharma edited out her derogatory comment directed at me, so I'll edit out my response to it.

I didn't edit out a darn thing.

You're a strange bird, Angela, and I don't understand you. Especially this comment:

Then my husband gained a lot of weight, and now sex is just a squishy, flabby, messy, gross thing

I simply cannot understand why you would talk about your husband that way. Dave's gained a lot of weight since we got married (close to 40 pounds)but I don't think I could ever describe having sex with him the way you described it with your husband and live with myself. It would hurt him to know that I spoke about him that way...especially about something that's supposed to be a sacred act between two people who love each other.

I don't hate you, Angela. I don't even dislike you. I just don't understand how you can get all worked up about staff sergeant sluts who you say tried to seduce him and then turn around and describe sex with him as a flabby, messy, and worse still GROSS thing.

Then again, I don't understand a lot of things that you do. I'm sorry if I offended you by saying what I did, and I'm sorry that I said some of them. I should have said them TO you, not ABOUT you...so I apologize for that. But, I'm not sorry for what I said here, and I never edited anything.

25

JillUser

on Mar 27, 2006

I didn't edit out a darn thing.

I thought I had missed something and was confused. Neither dharma nor I named any names so you totally outed yourself. As for what you said about your husband, the only thing I could think was "I am soooo thankful my husband doesn't have that attitude about me!"

26

Texas Wahine

on Mar 27, 2006

Angela: Your husband's military, right?

Either the military isn't requiring your husband to keep a basic level of fitness or your idea of what is "squishy, flabby, messy, and gross" is really skewed.

Did anyone see Family Guy last night? Hehe. Really applies here.

27

Tova7

on Mar 27, 2006

Either the military isn't requiring your husband to keep a basic level of fitness

This could very well be the case, I worked with a lot of squishy people when I was AF. We live in an AF town now and there are some fat G.I.'s here, I see them out in their uniforms all the time.

Honestly, if my husband became obese I would find that a big turn off. Would I still love him? Yes of course, but the physical attraction would be down several notches.

I think men can accept a little more fat on women because we have so many yummy places to put the extra weight....hips and boobs!

I don't know 88's issue. It sounds like it may be more than the weight? Maybe they are having a hard time right now.

I hope things work out for you Ang, and if you take anti-depressants I know they are supposed to kill the urge...so its a hard situation and I empathize.

28

Texas Wahine

on Mar 27, 2006

This could very well be the case, I worked with a lot of squishy people when I was AF. We live in an AF town now and there are some fat G.I.'s here, I see them out in their uniforms all the time.

From what I've seen, the AF tends to be the most relaxed about fitness of all the branches of the military (not that there aren't fatties in the Army...just see a lot fewer of them, and they're usually officers, hahahahaha).

29

Gideon MacLeish

on Mar 28, 2006

Yes, that was me. I hate sex. I used to love it though. I went through a nymphomaniac stage in my mid-20's, married the guy, then *POOF* sex became less and less fun. Then my husband gained a lot of weight, and now sex is just a squishy, flabby, messy, gross thing. I did state in my blog however that sex is still an occasional treat. Sometimes I just have to overlook the squishy, flabby, messy aspects. Also I've had chronic depression since I was fifteen, and doctors tell me that depression can wreak major havoc on one's libido.

Frankly, Angela, from a guy's point of view, your attitude is pretty disgusting. You wonder why you don't have a happy marriage; did you ever stop to think the problem might have more to do with YOU than you realize?

You've blogged pretty consistently about YOUR depression. Yet you overlook a rather obvious possibility here; more often than not, when men let themselves go, depression is a factor. And "turning off" sex, let alone expressing disgust for it, is exactly the WRONG response. From what I've read, your husband's pretty close to candidacy for sainthood for enduring your lousy attitude towards the man you made a commitment to.

I'm truly blessed my wife didn't share the same rotten attitude when I gained weight.

30

dharmagrl

on Mar 28, 2006

thought I had missed something and was confused. Neither dharma nor I named any names so you totally outed yourself

Yep, she did. The only editing I did was when I typed and deleted numerous times trying not to be a beeatch but still get my message across.

This could very well be the case, I worked with a lot of squishy people when I was AF. We live in an AF town now and there are some fat G.I.'s here, I see them out in their uniforms all the time.

Honestly, if my husband became obese I would find that a big turn off. Would I still love him? Yes of course, but the physical attraction would be down several

The weight management program -AFI 10-248 Link - is still in effect but you're right, there ARE some overweight people in the AF - and the reservists are even worse. It makes me ashamed to be associated with the same military as them sometimes. But, there are limits still. Yes, some people are overweight, but they're not OBESE.

I guess I don't know how Angela can say that she loves her husband when she describes the most intimate, sacred moment a married couple can share as gross, flabby and messy.

Does your husband know that you described sex with him that way? How do you think he'd feel if he knew?

Frankly, Angela, from a guy's point of view, your attitude is pretty disgusting. You wonder why you don't have a happy marriage; did you ever stop to think the problem might have more to do with YOU than you realize?

I'm glad that it's not just a woman's issue.