"You made your child cry! GO TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS!"


hahahahaha good one.

i agree with webmastah all the way, seeing as that WAS my login before...

Thing is, kids tend to be rebellious because they were raised by telling them what's right and wrong; sometimes backing it up with punishment and reward, but RARELY explained with enough comprehensiveness as to WHY some things are right, and some things are wrong.

Not to piss on your parade or anything, but would you really wanna raise your kids in a way that they'd look forward to the day when they're out of your house, and NOT adopt your way of parenting?

Of course there are the extreme cases where you'd really have to push back, when they're pushing you to your limits...

Don't mean to piss on your parade but some of the most well adjusted, successful people I know had parents that were parents not buddy's. Lived by rules and knew who the boss was (meaning they respected their parents). If having my kids turn out successful and well adjusted requires them to "look forward to the day when they're out" then so be it. Matter of fact, it is more of a healthy progression for kids to want to leave their parents home. I love my kids but don't want them to live with me forever. I want them to make it on their own.

I don't know where you concluded from my article that people not explain right and wrong to their kids. Kids are often rebellious because that is the nature of the beast. They push the envelope to see how far they can get. If they see there is no boundary, they will keep pushing. When there are sound boundaries set, they move on.

There's a significant difference between being successful in life fiscally, and being able to find true happiness. Oftentimes kids grow up being pushed into narcissism and/or other personal disorders due to unbalanced parental discipline.

Sorry if I failed to clarify between looking forward to leaving-- out of desire for independence, or simply to escape.

Furthermore, it's self-contradictory to apply the same reasoning to conclude "nature of the beast" and "well-adjusted". Maybe they give off the impression that they're well adjusted after punishment, but how do you know for sure if they're not just repressed?

Admittedly, I never got info enough from your article alone to formulate a substantial conclusion. I was merely pointing out some things on child/teenage rebellion...

Kids are often rebellious and explore radical alternatives because they have yet to see the big picture and understand the idea of harmony with other peoples' feelings. Many normal and even influential grownups still have the same shortcomings, but to a more reasonably tolerable extent. No one's perfect after all.

Pushing boundaries as the "nature of the beast" applies only to teens suffering from the likes of Antisocial Personality Disorder and/or Borderline Personality Disorder-- a few of several covertly chronic issues that occur in teens and young adults more often than you'd think. The stress of coping with sudden lifestyle and hormone level changes vastly increase the risk of said maladaptions.

If they move on from learned boundaries without being pushy in other aspects, then that's cool.

I think most parents just give in to shut their kids up because the parent just wants to be irresponsible(and maybe not even intentionally) and will do what it takes to halt any kind of confrontation.

Well our generations is extremely screwed up too so the "I pay the bills" doesn't work either it just creates the 60's type non-directional rebellion. We need to let our kids know that they are valued members of the family and their concerns, rebuttal and input is very important. I came from a family where you did as you were told or you got your ass whipped. Well I turned out rebellious, unaccountable and generally confused. Perhaps this is because I had no fear.

I do agree the line between being stomped on by your kids and getting your point across is a very blurry one indeed. Since my boy gets straight A's and is kind, compassionate, humorous and helpful tells me I have done something right. I have friends whose kids tell them when and what they will be doing and screw you if you don't like it. At this point I think only corpreal punishment works because it has gone on too long. A good parent has to use Fear and Love in such a way as to bring the child up right without creating phobias and mental introversions later on in life. Damn I wish they came with a book LOL

You really do need a book for each one. Each child needs to be approached with their own individual methods of discipline. What worked with your first child might not with your second. Some kids have a natural sense of emapathy and responsibility. Others have to have everything demonstrated. I am speeking currently from being the parent of 7 and 3yr olds.

Denniskaira, I don't know if you are a parent but I am assuming you were/are a teenager. You are saying that the only teens that push their boundaries have some sort of abnormal issues?! I beg to differ. I don't know of a single person I have come into contact that has not done something rebellious as a teen. It is all part of discovering who you are.

I don't know what your credentials are. My experience comes from having been a teen, growing up closely with 17 cousins of varying ages, studying secondary ed in college (which included many courses in child development and psycology) and being a parent. I also have close friends that are teachers of both elementary and middle schools. My circle of friends consists of parents with children aging from newborn to college and everywhere in between.

I believe in communicating with your children. I believe in treating them with respect but teaching them to do the same. I believe that kids need to know how hard their parents work for them to have the things they have. Parents should be able to say "no" and have it be taken as "no". I treat my kids with love and respect. I am their parent though. I will not treat them as an equal when they are teens because they won't be.

As for the commercial that was the inspiration for my blog, I feel sorry for both the father and teen. He isn't demanding the respect that a parent should and the teen has been given an unrealistic idea of how the real world works. I had many friends in my early years of college that grew up with parents that let them walk all over them and they pretty much had breakdowns when things weren't going their way in the dorm with their roommates.

Ok. So, teens and just really children are bad now? That's sad to hear. I'm 16 as of right now and I had the parents who gave me "freedom". Of course I probably didn't turn out as bad as I could have because I still fear my parents nonetheless. I understand what you're saying but could I plaese ask you to take a look at a recent article of mine? It's about how I feel about teen life these days. I don't know if you'll agree with me on anything I say but I think it would really be worth your time. I'm actually almost proud of the article. You know as a teen I don't have all the answers and I don't really have too much experience but I know what I know and I know my peers and myself in the year 2003.
I can't remember the name of the article but it says in the sub title "or at least why..." something a long those lines. I don't know why I can't remember but maybe if you read it you will of a little more updated look at being a teen. Not to be offensive but I really, really think you should slow downand think about how good the children are too.
All I saw in your article was the bad. I have an 8 year old sister , one year old nephew, 4 year old nephew, 3 year old neice and a 1 year old neice. I think even though I"m not a mom or dad I know somethings about children. I was in the delivery room when my 1 year old nephew was born just so that I could see the pain my sister went through and I see him almost everyday. I have my little sister who I love more than you could possibly imagine. As I was trying to say before. I know that everytime I look at these kids I just wishI could be there with them all the time so that I could protect them and maybe even teach them. My sister comes who from school talking about atoms and cells which are things I didn't even know existed until I think it was 6th grade. All I can really say is, though there are many downsides to the way kids, including myself, behave and are brought up that the inocents of little children is greater without a doubt than the bad things they may/will do.
Still, I totally understand what you're saying and that's great that you have a full family and all but even when we go the wrong way all kids want to feel they have their parents to fall back on to say they are sorry and they still love them regardless of how big a problem the kids have caused. I know and I am so glad that my parents were there for me and support me still.
Maybe this will help a little to let you see what can happen when you just truly love and try to protect your kids. I am going attending three different schools. One is just my home high school. One is a high school with a great technical program (architecture) in it. The last is an internet school. I basically have school as a work day. I wake up at 5 in the morning to leave the house at 6:30 heading towards the technical shool wich is about 45 minutes away. Then I go to my home school until then end of the school day at 3. So I've already been up for 10 hours by the time schools out. I'm not done though. I take about 1-2 hours on a regular basis to do my homework and then start the internet program which i am usually not done with until about 7 o'clock. Yeah, it's hard but so fun that you probably can't believe it.
I sorry, I keep on going on and on. Ok, so what I was trying to say was I'd like you to look at my article. If you go to my page on cornbread.joeuser.com you can find what I was talking about. Thank you.
Capt. over and out!

I agree with your sentiment completely!! I have three children--almost 18, almost 14, and 11--and they know without a doubt that the final say on what they do, who they are with, when they have to be home, etc., is Mom's. They don't have to like it, they just have to abide by it.

When they were younger, they all tried the "running away" line a few times. After realizing my response would always be "Should I help you pack?" they eventually gave it up. Same with threats to call Childrens Services on me (for such "awful" things as making them brush their hair or clean their room)...I'd pick up the phone and ask "Need me to dial that number for you?"

You mention not striving to be the cool mom....I never strived for that, either, but kids all tell me that I have that title among their friends, because I allow the friends to come here, to stay overnght, to just hang out, etc., and because I talk to their friends and make the effort to get to know them and don't just treat them like "a bunch of kids." Little do they know I do that for my own reasons....I WANT to know the people my children are associating with, to feel sure they are making good choices in friends, and not being influenced in a direction where I don't want them to go. Then, once I get to know these kids, since I already feel I can trust my own--unless and until they show me otherwise, which has happened on occasion, resulting in the reins tightening HARD--then I can relax a little and send them out into the world with the group. So far, so good...none of them has gotten into any sort of trouble at school (other than for things like talking to much, which they come by naturally!) or in the community, they are all good students, they are well behaved, caring people who look out for others....I'm very proud of all of them!!!

I don't know where you concluded from my article that people not explain right and wrong to their kids. Kids are often rebellious because that is the nature of the beast. They push the envelope to see how far they can get. If they see there is no boundary, they will keep pushing. When there are sound boundaries set, they move on.

I SO agree with you here! From the time my children were little, and even as they have gotten older, we have talked about what is right and what is wrong, and why....rules aren't just set down because I want them to be, they are there for a reason. And yes, all kids will test the boundaries, but if the boundaries stay firm, they learn to live within them and accept them.

Poetmom99, Thank you! It seems a lot of teens took offense to this article but I think parents that have been parents for any amount of time can see some truth in what I am trying to convey.

Capt. cornbread, I never said kids are bad. Saying that they test there boundaries is not saying they are bad. I was a good kid but did things that I look back on now and say "what the heck was I thinking?!" Your brain doesn't work the same way at 30 as at 16. You said you turned out okay. If you are 16, you haven't turned out yet. You sound very intelligent and I am sure you are going to be an asset to society. I believe I resonded to your article a while back also.