My heart is still racing and my stomach is still in my throat.  My 4yr old got away from me at the mall.  What a nightmare!

My 7 and 4yr olds were holding hands and walking right in front of me when I recieved a cell call from my hubby.  While talking on the phone the boys, still hand-in-hand, jogged off ahead into the book store where we were headed.  What I didn't see was that the 4yr old ran right back out into the mall.

As soon as I entered the book store I saw the 7yr old and asked if his little brother was right there with him.  He took a quick glance and said no.  A wonderfully kind woman asked if he was dressed like his big brother and I confirmed that he was.  She said that he ran right back out of the store and asked me to tell her his name so she could help look for him.

The kind stranger and I, I with the 7yr old tightly grasped, literally ran through the stores flanking the bookstore and he wasn't there.  Luckily, we were right by customer service.  I ran to the woman at the counter and when the words "I lost my 4yr old" escaped my lips, I broke down crying.  My 7yr old was very calm and tried to assure me that his brother wouldn't leave with a stranger.

The lovely woman at the counter told me she understood how scary it is to lose track of a child and assured me that the mall was full of security officers who would find him.  As soon as she picked up the phone with security to say "I have a very upset young woman here who got separated from her 4yr old" (nice way of saying "this woman lost her kid")) the officer said they had a little boy down the hall from where we were that couldn't find his mom.

Luckily, my little guy told a pregnant mom who had a little boy his age that he couldn't find mommy.  I ran to where they said this child was, grabbed him up and had a total breakdown.  I told him how scared I was that I didn't know where he was and to never leave mommy like that again.  Everyone around was very kind and sympathetic and I thanked them all immensely.

The moment I realized he wasn't right there, I immediately thought of the movie The Deep End of the Ocean where Michelle Pfieffer's character had her little boy snatched while he and his brother waited for her to check them into a hotel.  I couldn't bare the thought of having that happen to me.  I am still shaking from that very thought.  That is how quickly it can happen.  I was just fortunate enough that it ended well......this time.

I think I will have to keep the little one on a harness until he can learn not to run off.  At four years old they just can't understand the danger.  It scared him that he couldn't find me but not to the extent of the terror I experienced.  If he were anywhere near as scared as I was, he would never let me out of his sight again.

He is used to being able to run freely amongst the backyards and houses of our three closest neighbors.  He isn't old enough to know that he can't have that freedom everywhere.  We have discussed strangers and the dangers of going with them.  I am realistic enough to know that if someone wanted to snatch him, there isn't a whole lot my little 32lb guy could do.

Now I have to fight my urge to keep my boys under lock and key for the rest of their lives.  I struggle with this all the time.  I know they need to grow up and have experiences the way I did.  They need to learn about danger and how to take care of themselves.  I just want to watch over them constantly for the rest of their lives........is that so wrong?

Oh, my heart hurts.  I think I need a drink or a sedative.  My nerves are totally rattled.  Am I a bad mom?  I could have lost my child forever!  I just can't bare the thought.  Being a parent is really the most stressful, wonderful, maddening, rewarding job you could ever have.